Entrustment to Mary = Being Connected Through Faith

Yesterday my daughter entered the Dominican Order of Sisters of Mary, Mother of the Eucharist. She did not want her dad and me to make the trip, as she wants us to come in October instead when we can have two visitation days with her. As a mom, it was hard for me to let her go on her own. But God took care of her, and me. My husband’s sister lives just minutes from the convent. She was able to pick up my daughter from the airport, keep her overnight, and attend the entrance ceremony the next day. She took pictures and I was able to see how beautiful the chapel is, and see my daughter during the ceremony. The Sisters also posted pictures on Facebook so I could see the other Postulants that will be starting this journey with her.

 

I am thankful for such consoling graces, as it is a bittersweet experience to have her leave. We are very grateful for her vocation, and couldn’t ask for a more perfect “spouse”, but our human side has us family members a bit sad about the loss of constant contact with her. She was my best “texter”, so I will miss her daily messages. She has a wonderful sense of humor, so I will miss her wit. She is a kind soul, so I will miss her care and concern. I am envious of her new “family” who will get to experience these special traits now on a regular basis.

 

Even though she will have limited contact with me, I do feel we will be connected through receiving the Eucharist, Adoration, and prayer. Spiritual graces seem to transcend time and space, and just at daily Mass today I felt a joy receiving the Host knowing that she too, receives this special grace. Looking at Jesus in the Monstrance will be looking at her chosen spouse, so will unite me again to her.

 

The Order’s motto is to Jesus through Mary. So we will also bond through the Blessed Mother. Being a mom and not free to share in her concerns/trials, it is very comforting knowing she is in an order that entrusts themselves to our most blessed Mother, who will, and has always, taken special care of her.

 

So it is no coincidence that God has me reflecting on the section in the spiritual book that I am reading about accepting our sufferings with joy. I have had a lot of tears the past few weeks, but have called them happy tears, for how can I begrudge my daughter’s choice to be Christ’s bride?

 

“Let us go even further and say that happiness and suffering are inseparable. Some fear to make such an affirmation, because the world would look upon them as fools. How can we say that happiness and suffering are inseparable? Is it not just the other way around? It is not I who say this, but Jesus in the Beatitudes. Open the Gospel to the Sermon on the Mount. [Cf. Matt. 5:3-12] What does He tell us? Blessed are those who weep; blessed are the poor; blessed are those who suffer. There, then, is the affirmation that true happiness and suffering are inseparable.”

Fr. Jean C.J. d'Elbee, I Believe in Love, pg. 206.

Entrustment to Mary = Becoming Aware of Not Only Being Loved, But Also Longed For

The other day, a friend posted on Facebook a quote from Mother Teresa: 

Do you really know the living Jesus – not from books but from being with Him in your heart? Have you heard the loving words He speaks to you?…The devil may try to use the hurts of life, and sometimes our own mistakes – to make you feel it is impossible that Jesus really loves you, is really cleaving to you.  This is a danger for all of us.  And so sad, because it is completely the opposite of what Jesus is really wanting, waiting to tell you.  Not only that He loves you, but even more – He longs for you. 

This quote really resonated with me because I think often times, when it comes to Christ, I “know” Him in my head, and not so much “know” Him with my heart.  I keep Him at a distance.  As Pope Francis warned us recently, there is a danger of “becoming a disciple of ideology”.  “In ideology there is no Jesus:  his tenderness, love, meekness.  And ideologies are always rigid,” the Pope said.  “In every sense: rigid.  And when a Christian becomes a disciple of ideology, they have lost the faith;  they are no more a disciple of Jesus, they are a disciple of this attitude of thought, of this…”…”Why does a Christian become that way? …It is simply one thing:  that Christian does not pray.  And if there is no prayer, you will always close the door.”[1]

I have been blessed with a spiritual director for the last 11 years.  And he continues to advise the same thing all these years:  prayer.  Meditate for 20-30 minutes a day.  Well, for the last 11 years, I have struggled with just stopping and praying.  Always making excuses.  Always waiting until the end of the day, when I am too tired and too tempted to just turn on the TV and turn off my racing mind.  I shared with my spiritual director about how touched I was with Mother Teresa’s quote.  He advised me to respect that desire for a deeper relationship with the “real” Jesus, revealed to me by the Holy Spirit.  To sit down and see what changes I could make in my daily schedule.  To allow myself to be led to a greater aliveness in the Word/Gospels.  To avoid neglecting my friendship with Christ (through prayer, the Word, meditation), otherwise this will lead to a domino effect of increased anxiety.  I am reminded in The Gift of Faith by Fr. Tadeusz Dajczer that “the Holy Scriptures are also inspired text and a source of revelation;  therefore, our relationship with the revealed text should primarily be a personal one.  In fact, the Bible is not a “thing” but, above all, it is “Somebody.” ….When reading the Holy Scriptures, you encounter the living and true Christ through the gift of faith, which He Himself gives to you.” (Tadeusz Dajczer, The Gift of Faith, 3^rd ed. (Ft. Collins, CO:  IAMF, 2012), 214).

I often wonder how different my life would be had I been obedient to his advice of daily meditation all these years.  Where would my faith be today?  I know that my laziness in my prayer life is connected to my struggles today, and I also know that I should not remain sad in this.  As Mother Teresa reminds me, He longs for me. 

I think what sparks my increased desire to know and fall in love with the “real” Jesus is because of my desire and hope for what my children’s relationship with Christ could be.  I want them to fall in love with Him.  I want them to pray, not to recite prayers.  I want them to be aware of His presence with them, all day long.  I want them to trust Him and His will for their lives.  I know that I cannot control them or force Him upon them, so the only thing I can do is fall in love with Him myself.  Perhaps with Blessed Mama’s help, they will experience God’s love through me and know that they are longed for, too. 

After all, just as I am motivated to see my children give their hearts over to Christ, our Blessed Mama is even more motivated to bring me (and all her beloved children) to her Son.  Thank you, God, for loving us so, so much.

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[1] Esteves, Junno Arocho.  “Pope Francis:  ‘Becoming A Disciple of Ideology Closes the Door to Faith’”, Vatican City, http://www.zenit.org/en/articles/pope-francis-becoming-a-disciple-of-ideology-closes-the-door-to-faith (October 17, 2013).

Entrustment To Mary = Desiring To Fight My Addiction (To Facebook)

I've been dealing with the desire to give up Facebook. I say "dealing" because as much as I'd like to, it seems like it would be the hardest thing ever and I'm actually a little afraid to do so. Even though I gave it up for lent, and thoroughly enjoyed not being on all the time. And the first two weeks after moving we had no Internet at our apartment or even data on our phones - meaning I was only on Facebook when I went to a coffee shop; it was great! I tried to come up with certain days or times that I would allow myself on, but that was more of an idea rather than a plan of action. I have no self-discipline and just can't stay off of it. I don't like wanting to get on when my son is awake and watching me. I don't like comparing myself to others on FB or getting annoyed with what people post. I don't like rushing back from a walk or outing so that I can check what’s new on FB. I'm actually addicted to it! Now don't get me wrong I do appreciate a way to stay in touch with people but right now I feel that the negativity it brings into my life outweighs the positive. I've been praying for the grace to give it up but didn't feel like I was getting anywhere, if anything the nagging feeling had started to go away, until this past week.

I recently found out that my uncle is fasting from chocolate, and offering it up for our president's conversion. I was so impressed with his self-sacrifice and thought I should do something of that sort too. But I have to admit that self-sacrifice isn’t easy for me. I don’t like saying no to myself or feeling uncomfortable. I mean if it was easy for me I’d already be done with Facebook!

Then Pope Francis asked for a day of prayer and fasting last Saturday for peace in Syria and around the world. My first reaction was “Ugh, I don’t want to fast on Saturday!” But I was reminded that God loves me as I am - whether I fast all day, or part of the day or not at all. I was also reminded that I can’t do it on my own. I’ve been so wrapped up in thinking that I have to do it and forgetting that the Blessed Mother is there to help me. Saturday came, I asked for the Blessed Mother’s help and the day of fasting wasn’t so bad. The reason I couldn’t give up FB before is because I was trying to do it all by myself. Even though I was praying for the grace, I wasn’t really asking for help but just expecting instantaneous results.

Now with the Blessed Mother, WE are fasting from Facebook, and remembering God always loves me even if I fall back to my addiction or begin a new one.

"God loves you precisely as you are: as someone attached to your idols, as someone who lives as if He does not exist, and as someone who turns even that which you do because of His will against Him. He never stops loving you even though you continuously reject Him and wound Him by turning your heart away from Him and by seeking reliance in your own riches."

S.C. Biela, Open Wide theDoor to Christ, (Ft.Collins, CO: IAMF, 2005), 101.

Entrustment to Mary = Perceiving God’s Reality Show

Last weekend I went to a wedding. Before going I watched two episodes of the reality show Four Weddings. It is a show that has four brides attending each other’s weddings and scoring them according to dress, food, venue, and overall experience. The women do not know each other before filming the episode. The winner is the bride who receives the most points for her wedding, and the prize is a luxury honeymoon trip. With that said, when I arrived at the wedding, I started to immediately judge the venue site. It disturbed me how my experience was being tainted by a television show. It also disturbed me how judgmental I was during the whole wedding ceremony and reception looking at it through the eyes of the world. The only moments I felt at peace were when the officiate spoke about God being the center of their marriage, and when he quoted from Scripture about true love. I saw how when I am not focused on God the world is a distracting place for me.

This isn’t the first time this reality show has bothered me. When my daughter was getting married two years ago, I told my family to turn off that show because while watching it I became anxious that my daughter’s wedding would not live up to the high standards exhibited on the episodes. I found peace when my family redirected our attention back to God and our reliance back to His grace to lead us through the event.

A friend shared with me how the website Pinterest had disturbed her when she was planning a party, as she did not feel like she was planning her event to be as spectacular as the ideas she had seen on that site. Another friend shared with me how incompetent she feels sometimes when she compares her life to those on Facebook. Both of these website experiences prove to me that when we allow the world to speak to us on how to manage our events or our lives, we can be led to anxiety, frustration, and disappointment.

The spirituality of communion of life with Christ through the Blessed Mother has helped me to look at the world through the eyes of faith. To see that God is a part of everything. When I acknowledge God’s Presence in every aspect of my life I feel more peaceful during the good and bad times. God’s thumbprint is on every part of my day, so when traffic gets busy, or internet is slow, or I stub my toe – no worries, as I know God is a part of this scenario, and He only wants the best for my soul. My entrustment to Mary helps keep me focused, as Mary was always centered on God.

When I allow myself to be distracted and disturbed while watching reality shows, I can count on God showing me how my parting from His gaze brings me unrest and anxiety. This truth is highlighted when I return my attention back to Him and feel the peace of God who loves me even when I stray.

“The created world surrounding us is a voice that speaks to us. If our faith is weak, then that voice will distract us, pull us away from God, and will focus our attention on itself. As faith grows, the opposite process occurs. The outside world begins to speak of God, to focus our attention on God, to draw us to Him, to become a sign of His presence, to help us get in touch with Him, and to become a place where we encounter Him.”

Tadeusz Dajczer, The Giftof Faith, 3rd. ed. (Ft. Collins, CO: IAMF, 2012), 5.