I
recently developed some unusual physical symptoms that led me to seek a doctor.
It took 2 months to finally make the appointment – trust issues, mostly. I
wanted a doctor that was recommended or at least had a good reputation in the
area of specialty I needed. Everyone who was recommended to me was not
accepting new patients, and so my symptoms persisted. I did a lot of research on
my own and was pretty sure my self-diagnosis was spot on. All I needed was a
doctor to verify it and give me the correct remedy to heal it. Meanwhile, friends
shared having similar symptoms and gave various advice that I did or did not
take depending on how I viewed their expertise and/or how much I agreed with
their approaches.
Eventually,
I picked a doctor our insurance covered, with no recommendations or reviews,
because he was available in the time frame that interested me. I started to
pray for this visit. I prayed that the doctor would get to the bottom of things
and that Blessed Mother would use him as an instrument in her hands. The appointment was quick and sweet and I was
scheduled for a full-blown analysis of my insides. Another two weeks to wait,
but answers were being sought and I could live with my symptoms for that much
longer.
The
day before my big exam I started to have trials of imagination. My
self-diagnosis faded in the background and a scary, more serious condition
seemed inevitable. I started to wonder
if I could live with the bad news. After all, why shouldn’t I receive bad news?
I am on various prayer chains and I know that bad things are happening all the
time to people just like me. I melted
that afternoon. In tears I ran to my room and started to pray the Divine Mercy
Chaplet. I was begging my Mommy (Blessed Mother) to help me. I didn’t know
God’s will, but I knew that I wouldn’t have a chance of accepting it without
her helping me. Without her carrying me through it and obtaining for me the
graces necessary to carry my cross. As
soon as the chaplet was over, a peace came upon me. I was reassured that I was
not alone and that I did not have to bear the burden on my own. I was reassured
that without Christ, I would foil all of God’s plans for my life, but that with
Him all things are possible (cf. Jn 15:5, Mt 19:26, and Lk 1:37).
How
easy it is for me to run to Blessed Mother when it comes to my physical/mental
suffering. In these areas I find it easier to fall to my knees and NEED my
Mother. But, when it comes to the
spiritual things…how long do I wait?
When symptoms of my sinfulness pop up do I start planning my trip to the
“doctor?” Do I start by making an
appointment to talk to my spiritual father, confessor or spiritual mentor? Or
do I start by self-diagnosing my motivations? Do I choose first to go to the
Internet or to rely on my interpretations of the writings of the saints? When
faith-sharing with others about their paths and experiences, do I seek only someone
who will agree with me, or do I listen to the Spirit in and through my
spiritual friends? Do I pray for my spiritual father to have the graces to
properly diagnose me?
In
the end, do I see that when it comes to spiritual things I have no other choice
than to accept my lack of knowing – my blindness – my NEED for Mother
Mary?
Usually
I exhaust all human problem-solving attempts before I drop to my knees in the
spiritual life. What a waste of time!
Blessed Mother is waiting for me at the beginning of my recognizing the
symptoms. In fact, couldn’t it be that she is the one helping me to see the
symptoms in the first place? Since living life in communion with Christ through
Mary, I have the grace to know that she is waiting for me right now! I don’t
even have to get trapped in sin when I remember to go to her so that she can
remind me of all her Son can do for me.
Running to my room, falling to the floor, I can beg her right away to
carry me through my spiritual trials, to obtain the graces necessary for me to
carry my crosses. Wow! Thanks MOM.
Thanks for your “yes” to helping me obtain Heaven. Thank you for your “yes” in
loving me with all the truth about me. Thank you for assuring me that without
Christ, I will foil God’s plans for my life – but with Him, all things are
possible.
As
we discover each new symptom of the sickness of our soul, we have to bring it
to Christ, our Divine Physician, who is the only one upon whom our hope rests.
If we called upon Him each time to liberate and heal us, we quite possibly
would not have to be sick. By His suffering on the Cross, Jesus redeemed not
only the sins that we commit, but also the sins from which He prevents us. (S.C.
Biela, God Alone Suffices, 3rd. ed. [Ft.Collins, CO:
IAMF, 2011], 146.)
