Entrustment to Mary = Not Being Fooled

The other night I was putting the Little One to bed when he started to work his way into an anxiety attack. It started off simply as a stall to going to bed, but then he remembered past days of scary dreams and convinced himself that he was going to have a scary dream that night and he couldn’t stop crying and whining about it. He was obviously overtired, but the emotions he was going through were real to him. I know this because I suffer anxiety and so I knew a simple “get a hold of yourself” wasn’t going to be effective!

The Little One’s trouble with anxiety began after he had some bad dreams. First it was fire in his bedroom, then it was bears in the back yard and other animals – all wanting to eat him. The dreams must have been very intense because they sparked such vivid thoughts in the day time that he hated to be in his own room for fear of a real fire. When he awoke from his dreams, he would beg me to lay with him, hold him and say prayers with him. He started to pray differently. He now begs Jesus and Mary every night to protect him from scary dreams and thoughts, and when he wakes up in the morning he is grateful that the prayers are answered. This trial of faith has produced many fruits in his relationship with Divine Love and Mercy to the point I am convinced this was a gift – a gift for deeper faith.

By the grace of God, I was in a very good place the other night when the Little One was too tired to go to sleep. My husband came into the room, concerned the whole episode was going to push me into a bad place, but I assured him I was okay. I was really in the grace of the moment. I had been praying, and started to pray aloud the Psalms that help the Little One when he is most afraid “The LORD is my shepherd; there is nothing I lack…I will fear no evil, for you are with me;” (Ps 23:1, 4).  His response to my praying was to intensify his whining and crying. Why weren’t the prayers working that night? Could it be because he wasn’t living in the moment? Could he be focusing on feelings from the past only to be afraid of the future which is out of his control? Where was his confidence in Jesus and Mary to answer his night time prayer not to have scary dreams?

Wow. These questions were very eye-opening for me with my own anxieties. The very next day I found out my friend with cancer had made a turn for the worse. I started to remember the grief I had really experienced when my father died. Instead of staying in the current moment and wondering what my friend might need, I remembered how terrible I felt in the past, and projected this onto the future – this process put me in a stupor and anxiety pursued! Before it went too far, however, Blessed Mother helped me to remember my Little One’s struggle from the night before. Was I, too, creating undue stress? Was I focusing on my feelings from the past to the point I was more afraid of the future that is out of my control? Since I hadn’t immediately turned to prayer, I could see that the fear I had was more imagined than a real threat. Where was my confidence in Jesus and Mary to carry me, to carry my friend which I pray for incessantly? Immediately, I entrusted my thoughts to Blessed Mother to be immersed in Divine Mercy and Love. That day MOM kept me from being fooled into spending a lot of tears on an illusion--tears before their proper time.

“Anxieties that nag you about the past or the future are also trials of faith. God expects that you will offer Him all of these anxieties so that you can entrust yourself more fully to Him and totally abandon yourself to Him.” (Tadeusz Dajczer, The Gift of Faith, 3rd. ed. (Ft. Collins, CO: IAMF, 2012), p. 129)

Entrustment to Mary = Not Alone in Loneliness

My young daughter and I had a rare opportunity to go out to dinner together after a late doctor’s appointment.  I was so grateful for the opportunity, as she was able to share how she felt about middle school.  While she seems to have adjusted quite well, she experiences bouts of rejection and loneliness, especially during PE where she feels her athletic ability falls short.  She shared with me how the “cool” kids classify others, and in subtle and not-so-subtle ways, reject other students with their looks, comments, and exclusion.  My heart went out to her.  I remember those awkward days, and so I tried to encourage her with stories of my own.  She lit up as she recounted a story of St. Therese of Lisieux, whose close friend left town, and years later upon her return, acted as though she had never known Therese at all.  We spent some time trying to figure out why God might be allowing the situation, and how He could be drawing her closer to Himself.  We left our dinner feeling a bit closer to one another, as well as to our Savior, Who can allow such loneliness to bring us closer to Him. 

That same week, my son seemed unusually quiet and moody.  I prompted him to share with me what might be bothering him, and he, too, was struggling at school.  He had found himself in the midst of some conflicts and was feeling a bit rejected.  My motherly instinct was to turn into a mama bear and have a word, if you will, with these peers of his. But, (thank you, God) because of this spirituality, I was able to walk him through the difference between God’s will and God allowing an event in order to draw out some greater good.  I encouraged him to look at the event as God trying to tell him something, and that, perhaps, this really had nothing to do with the goings-on at middle school.  Perhaps God is knocking more loudly at the door of his heart?  Perhaps without the conflict, my son could feel confident and secure and see no need for a Savior? 

Which leads to my week.  I found myself feeling lonely.  Sure, I have some acquaintances, some fellow moms to chat with during the drop off at school.  But all around me, people were making plans and playdates and I just felt left out.  I later took my kids to the park, and all around me were groups of kids and their mothers celebrating the start of the long weekend.  Still later, when our family was at a gathering, faith sharing with a group of fellow church families, the discussion felt shallow.  We have been in this “new” city for close to three years now, and I still miss my old friends dearly.  I find myself struggling to make decent conversation. I even had the occasion to meet with close family friends for a BBQ, only to experience what felt like forced conversation when we used to share more laughter and openness.  I turned to my husband later that evening and thanked him, truly, for being my friend! 

Last week I had a chance to meet with my spiritual director and I was able to share that even with God I feel lukewarm.  It was my turn to write the blog post for over two weeks, and I couldn’t even connect with people behind a screen!  Fortunately I was encouraged to see this as a pruning of sorts.  I was encouraged to trust God’s mysterious ways with faith and simplicity.  I was encouraged to go to the Word of God and our Mother more quickly and consistently.  Who knew that the advice I gave to my children was the very same words of encouragement I’d need to hear myself?  God and His sense of humor….

So, I leave you and me with these promising words about loneliness…

No one, however, experienced so strongly the depths of poverty or understood it as well as Mary.  Therefore, we can always ask her to accept loneliness in us.  Otherwise, we will either always fearfully run away from this grace, or we will suffer a painful defeat by summoning up our own strength to make attempts to control loneliness….

…After Pentecost, in silence and solitude, Mary accompanied the birth of the Church as its Mother.  Because Mary is the Mother of the Church, it is so important for us to be open to her action in us.  It is crucial that we hand ourselves over to her and to everything that God wants to accomplish in our souls through her.  On our own, we will not accept the grace of loneliness.  We will either fear it, or we will try to take control of it.  Such a response only ends in defeat.  (S.C. Biela, Open Wide the Door to Christ, [Ft. Collins, CO:  IAMF, 2005], 186, 187).

Entrustment to Mary = To Need Love and Care

Mother’s Day 2015 is about to end as I start to write this post. Another gentle day in which I was reminded of the value of communion of life with Christ through Mary.

As I mentioned in a previous post, I’ve been dealing with anxiety, and now depression has reared its ugly head. It is surely a hormonal imbalance of some kind as, to date, my interior peace is riding the storm without being too disturbed. The symptoms come and go randomly. I am still surprised when the emotions overcome me and I am a ball of nerves or tears. My surprise is a source of comedy for me. After 15 years of living in my Mother’s arms, I am still surprised by my tremendous need for Her love and care! Oh, Mama, how quickly your little one forgets!

Meanwhile, Blessed Mother is not surprised that I forget. I believe She expects me to! Therefore, She always has a plan to remind me: A sudden irritation that leads me to a harsh reaction; a stubbed toe; a spilled drink; a broken mug; a mess left by my child; a runny nose; a deadline that is fast approaching; a late payment charge; a cell phone upgrade that I can’t figure out; a rainy day; three rainy days in a row; a computer glitch; a printer problem; a dead car battery; a bit cheek; a chin hair that got too long; the dirty kitchen floor; a flat tire; a bad crust on my pizza; the list can go on and on.  All these beautiful interruptions in my day remind me I am not in charge and I don’t know how to fully love myself or others.

To live in Mary's arms is the opportunity to see God’s action in the ordinary and difficult events of life. Each moment that I forget and react is my opportunity to remember how much I need MOM’s love and care.

“Believing that the Mother of Jesus is also my Beloved Mother, and that I am always her most beloved child, I dare to call her ‘Mom,’ as she teaches me to abandon myself to God through her openness to the ‘spirituality of events,’ especially in the experiences I do not understand.

Mary is an example and support for all believers: she encourages us not to lose confidence before the difficulties and inevitable problems of every day. She assures us of her help and reminds us that it is essential to seek and think of ‘the things above, not those of the earth’ (cf. Col 3:2).

Pope Benedict XVI

Homily of the Solemnity of the Assumption

August 15, 2006”*

*Quoted from the Creed of the Families of Nazareth Movement USA.

Entrustment to Mary = Seeing Bullies through the Eyes of Faith

I remember a conference years ago about why there are bullies. It was explained to me that GOD may make use of bullies to confront our pride. It is not our humility that is confronted. The larger our pride, the larger the confrontation. The same speaker gave another talk about children's pride and parents yelling at children. He said we shouldn't apologize to our kids after we yell at them, because it wasn't their humility that led to the loud voice. He also mentioned that if a child's pride is not broken when they are young, then they will be the instruments to break the parents' pride in the teen years.

All those conferences led me to desire not to feed my children's pride. I saw no way out for me because on my own I was only either going to feed their pride or I was going to try to control it. This led me to Blessed Mother. I began begging for her intercession and intervention in all my interactions with my kids. The answers to my prayers varied depending on the child. 

In my house, the older son bullied the younger one. Each time he was bullied, the younger one would run to me and want to complain about his older brother. I would beg Blessed Mother, and with an open begging hand, I would take my younger son to another room and explain to him about his pride. I would explain that GOD has a right to crush his pride using whatever instrument HE chooses.  In addition, I would make sure he understood how much I loved him with his big pride. (I knew Blessed Mother was with me because there were hugs...loving eyes...calm voice…not my usual self!). 

I can't say that my younger son ever understood or accepted this message, but I can say that he learned how to be a peace keeper sooner than later. I found he didn’t run to me and complain as much because – well – who wants to hear they have big pride?! Now this “younger” son is equally as strong as his older brother. He has a dignity about himself and never lets his older brother get him down. 

Meanwhile, the older brother's pride has been crushed because his younger brother has a confidence he doesn't possess - some skills he doesn't have - the ability to make friends more easily. Despite his earlier bullying years, my oldest son is a good boy and likable, but finding his way is often more difficult then the road his younger brother walks. (Little does he know that he helped mold his younger brother with all that bullying!) 

It wasn't so easy with my oldest daughter. With her, I wasn't given the miracle of a calm voice, hugs, and loving looks. Instead, I was allowed to see what happens when I handle things on my own. I just squashed, stomped on, and verbally blew all over her pride. With her, I discovered how Christ was crucified by me. I guess I could say I was the "bully" in her situation. For her, it was always reverse. I would have the begging hand AFTER my encounters - begging Blessed Mother to obtain the graces of repair and God's mercy and love to make up for the way I reacted with her. Well...GOD IS merciful and my daughter has had less ramifications from her childhood than I would imagine. She helped me because through her my pride was constantly challenged, my weakness always before my eyes. (Little does she know that she helped mold her mom!)

GOD is good and HE always knows what I need. As a parent, I see how each of my children is a means to my sanctification and to each other's sanctification! Embracing them as they are (with all their weaknesses and pride) is a challenge for me. However, this is why I am entrusted to Blessed Mother. This entrustment becomes two-fold. First, it helps me to understand that I am loved with all my weaknesses and pride, and second, WE (Blessed Mother and me) can embrace my children just as they are!

For the Divine Spouse Who tries hard to conquer the human heart, everything can become a means to make it so that the soul falls in love with Him without reservation. However, other people – our neighbors – fulfill special roles in this matter. This is because of their freedom that does not always submit to God’s will, let alone our will!

God makes use of a difficult neighbor to gradually reveal the whitewashed tomb in us.

The light of faith is very necessary in order for us to see that the light of the Lord, Who is knocking, is hidden under the appearance of the most difficult persons around us. This neighbor alters the order that you have maintained for many years. He crucifies your plans so that at last you may begin to perceive, in the light of faith, the painful truth that you, yourself, are a difficult neighbor.

You should then be grateful not only to God but also to this neighbor who, perhaps unknowingly, is the instrument through whom God serves you, through whom He reveals the truth to you, in order to rescue and heal you.  (S.C. Biela, Behold, I Stand at the Door and Knock [Ft. Collins, CO: IAMF, 2005], 13-14. Bold emphasis added.)

Entrustment to Mary = Positive Feelings and No Feelings

When I was first drawn into the spirituality of communion of life with Christ through Mary I was given an abundance of easy and effective graces. I was easily motivated, single-minded, and didn’t understand when others weren’t as enthusiastic about spreading the spirituality as I was. Oh, those were the days! I was very serious about this business of doing all that I could to be of use. Little did I know I was subconsciously building the business of my pride!

It was hard to see my pride when I was being fed intravenously with positive feelings. It wasn’t until years later that I now see the tower of ME I was building. How did I finally get to know? It was in describing to my spiritual director my lack of feelings and the response of slothfulness it was leading to. For more than 10 years I had been faithful in small things regarding a job that I have.** However, over the last few months, I have started to push everything to the edge. I choose playing on my smart phone or a TV show over work. I've starting letting things go…not for a day, or a week, like I could justify in the past, but now a month, or even a year. Deadlines don’t have the power they once had in my life. I push the deadline. I accept the late fees. I “file” the paper on top of the pile that never goes away. Not only do I see this in my work, but also at home. When company comes, less gets cleaned. The words “I’m sorry, I forgot” are more commonly used.

After sharing with my spiritual director just how bad it was getting, he simply asked me, “Are you surprised by this inability to do a good job?” I had to answer truthfully – “YES! I am surprised it can get this bad!” Then he laughed at me, in that all-knowing, empathetic way that has been his custom when I reveal to myself who I really am. He helped me understand that it is a trap to think that “I am faithful.” I know I was given adequate warning through the materials, conferences, and retreats, but I inevitably have to live it before it hits home.

Yes, I thought I could be faithful in small things. I thought I could entrust to Blessed Mother in all things. But, my current slothfulness is helping me to see that even the desire to entrust to Mary is a grace and I cannot posses it.  What now? I am called to more contrition and gratitude, more begging, and a deeper awareness of God’s mercy. It can be so easy to believe I am loved when I am successful, but as the failure, it is only in and through faith that WE (Mary and I) believe it. This is an opportunity for me. WE can choose to see this event through the eyes of faith or I can try to whitewash it by reading more articles on organization and how to do better in life. WE (Mary and I) choose to live with “High Hopes!” WE choose to believe that this is who God has loved all along, and if He desires, He will allow MOM to animate me once again – but when it happens this time, maybe (I have to be honest – it is only a maybe) I will join Blessed Mother and be full of gratitude for that special grace and give God the glory for faithfulness in small things.

The first chapter of the book The Two Pillars by S.C. Biela is titled “Human Pedestals.” WE just reread it in amazement on how it applies to my current situation. I’d have included the whole chapter in this blog if I could, but it will just have to suffice to share this paragraph: 

Gratitude to God is born on the foundation of the truth about God’s forgiving love. It is also born on the truth about humility, which is the truth about us. Humility is the truth that tries to remove from our hearts the poisonous influences of the faith that we have in ourselves. The conviction that everything is “given” to us, that everything is a gift, can be born on the foundation of the truth about God’s unceasingly bestowing love and the truth about ourselves as people who need everything from this bestowing love. A cry of gratitude comes forth from the depth of a heart that is full of awe before the reality of God’s bestowal. (S.C. Biela, The Two Pillars, [Ft.Collins, CO: IAMF, 2006], 7.)

**Even though during these years I used the phrase WE (Mary and I) were faithful together, internally, deep within, I must have believed it was “I” – alone. It was so subtle. It is still thanks to my communion of life with Christ through Mary that WE can see this truth today. She never abandons me. She is always faithful to “small” things – such as helping me to live in truth and bringing me closer and closer to Her Son!

Entrustment to Mary = Surrendering to the Unknown

I recently developed some unusual physical symptoms that led me to seek a doctor. It took 2 months to finally make the appointment – trust issues, mostly. I wanted a doctor that was recommended or at least had a good reputation in the area of specialty I needed. Everyone who was recommended to me was not accepting new patients, and so my symptoms persisted. I did a lot of research on my own and was pretty sure my self-diagnosis was spot on. All I needed was a doctor to verify it and give me the correct remedy to heal it. Meanwhile, friends shared having similar symptoms and gave various advice that I did or did not take depending on how I viewed their expertise and/or how much I agreed with their approaches.

Eventually, I picked a doctor our insurance covered, with no recommendations or reviews, because he was available in the time frame that interested me. I started to pray for this visit. I prayed that the doctor would get to the bottom of things and that Blessed Mother would use him as an instrument in her hands.  The appointment was quick and sweet and I was scheduled for a full-blown analysis of my insides. Another two weeks to wait, but answers were being sought and I could live with my symptoms for that much longer.

The day before my big exam I started to have trials of imagination. My self-diagnosis faded in the background and a scary, more serious condition seemed inevitable.  I started to wonder if I could live with the bad news. After all, why shouldn’t I receive bad news? I am on various prayer chains and I know that bad things are happening all the time to people just like me.  I melted that afternoon. In tears I ran to my room and started to pray the Divine Mercy Chaplet. I was begging my Mommy (Blessed Mother) to help me. I didn’t know God’s will, but I knew that I wouldn’t have a chance of accepting it without her helping me. Without her carrying me through it and obtaining for me the graces necessary to carry my cross.  As soon as the chaplet was over, a peace came upon me. I was reassured that I was not alone and that I did not have to bear the burden on my own. I was reassured that without Christ, I would foil all of God’s plans for my life, but that with Him all things are possible (cf. Jn 15:5, Mt 19:26, and Lk 1:37).

How easy it is for me to run to Blessed Mother when it comes to my physical/mental suffering. In these areas I find it easier to fall to my knees and NEED my Mother.  But, when it comes to the spiritual things…how long do I wait?  When symptoms of my sinfulness pop up do I start planning my trip to the “doctor?”  Do I start by making an appointment to talk to my spiritual father, confessor or spiritual mentor? Or do I start by self-diagnosing my motivations? Do I choose first to go to the Internet or to rely on my interpretations of the writings of the saints? When faith-sharing with others about their paths and experiences, do I seek only someone who will agree with me, or do I listen to the Spirit in and through my spiritual friends? Do I pray for my spiritual father to have the graces to properly diagnose me?

In the end, do I see that when it comes to spiritual things I have no other choice than to accept my lack of knowing – my blindness – my NEED for Mother Mary? 

Usually I exhaust all human problem-solving attempts before I drop to my knees in the spiritual life.  What a waste of time! Blessed Mother is waiting for me at the beginning of my recognizing the symptoms. In fact, couldn’t it be that she is the one helping me to see the symptoms in the first place? Since living life in communion with Christ through Mary, I have the grace to know that she is waiting for me right now! I don’t even have to get trapped in sin when I remember to go to her so that she can remind me of all her Son can do for me.  Running to my room, falling to the floor, I can beg her right away to carry me through my spiritual trials, to obtain the graces necessary for me to carry my crosses.  Wow! Thanks MOM. Thanks for your “yes” to helping me obtain Heaven. Thank you for your “yes” in loving me with all the truth about me. Thank you for assuring me that without Christ, I will foil God’s plans for my life – but with Him, all things are possible.

As we discover each new symptom of the sickness of our soul, we have to bring it to Christ, our Divine Physician, who is the only one upon whom our hope rests. If we called upon Him each time to liberate and heal us, we quite possibly would not have to be sick. By His suffering on the Cross, Jesus redeemed not only the sins that we commit, but also the sins from which He prevents us. (S.C. Biela, God Alone Suffices, 3rd. ed. [Ft.Collins, CO: IAMF, 2011], 146.)

Entrustment to Mary = Seeing the Lesson in Potty Training

The Little One turned 4 years old a couple of weeks ago. She still wasn't potty trained and the siblings were getting pretty anxious about it. We had been dealing with the Little One’s extremely strong will for over a year on the issue. We tried a lot of logical book learned techniques and used the proper language. It didn't seem to help. One suggestion found on the Internet was to completely give up talking about it and wait until it came from her. It said that her need for independence was overcoming her ability to accept the idea if it was “our idea”. So, I went with this theory and shut up.

She turned 4 and nothing improved. I was still changing diapers. I was also going through a trial of faith with some health issues, which had my resistance down. My irritability levels were high and my patience levels were low. My weaknesses in all areas of life were shining brightly for not only me to see…but my whole household.

It was in this “hour of darkness” when the “miracle” took place.  It was morning and we headed upstairs to change her diaper. Ugh, I thought. We were out of diapers. I simply showed the Little One the empty bag. Her response? “It’s okay Mommy, I’ll wear underwear.” She knew where it was kept, picked a pair out, and put it on.  Of course I was thrilled, but skeptical just the same since we’ve gone down that road before. The real test was getting her to go in the potty!

As anticipated, she refused to go and held it for the rest of the morning, into the afternoon, through her dance class. When she refused to sit on the potty there, I was rushing home praying we could get there in time before an accident. And, we did. She made it and she went in the potty! The look of delight on her face as she practically screamed “Mommy! I’m a big girl now!”

Why am I sharing this story? Because it occurred to me that a person’s conversion can happen in an instant! I faith share with so many people and we spend hours, days, weeks, years worrying about the conversion of our children, nieces, nephews, husbands, wives, parents, siblings, friends…but we so often forget that conversion can come in a moment--just like how it happened for the Good Thief. That “moment” may not happen according to our plans, but when we put our trust in the GOD who IS, we can trust and have faith that it WILL happen. And, when we struggle with that kind of trust and/or faith…we can give it to Blessed Mother and beg Her to have the trust and faith in us and for us to move the mountains!

“You should assume an attitude of contrition and gratitude, especially in your relationships with others. Do you want to be a channel of grace for others? If so, then acknowledge that you are who is not. Contritely acknowledge your evil and be grateful for every grace that you experience. Then God will be able to pour out the most priceless of His gifts through you.” S.C. Biela, The Two Pillars, (Ft.Collins, CO: IAMF, 2006), 85.

Entrustment to Mary = Facing Misery in the Light of God's Love

Misery. Such a miserable word.  Avoiding misery was the program of my life. Many want to continue to support me in this program – “Oh, what an awful day! You deserve a glass of wine.” Or “That stinks, let me treat you to a Starbucks!” or “You’re such a good person, don’t feel bad. You didn’t mean it.” Even worse, some “friends” try to convince me that I am “right” when I share how I treated my child, or friend, or co-worker the way I did. They can be so convincing that I can fall right into the trap of it all again – AVOID MISERY!

Is it any wonder Jesus told us “How narrow the gate and constricted the road that leads to life” (Mt 7:14)? Right before this he said “Enter through the narrow gate; for the gate is wide and the road broad that leads to destruction, and those who enter through it are many” (Mt 7:13). Not only do I see that on my own I’d be on the broad road to destruction– but sometimes, I see that without Blessed Mother, I push my dear ones onto this road with my criticism and nagging.

A priest recently shared with me that the devil spends enough time making people feel guilty and emphasizing their sins that we Christians don’t have to do this for one another. It wasn’t soon after this that I began to realize how critical I am with my dearest ones. Every sentence out of my mouth at home seems to be a dagger ready to plunge into the nearest victim. I try to hide it (sometimes) by making a joke about what a kid or my husband hasn’t done, only to hear the response “why are you being so sarcastic?”  My “holy” motivation?  I don’t want my kids or my husband to be miserable of course! I want them to see their huge pride so that they will be weak and rely on Mary. Ha! What a crazy twist in logic. The real truth, however, is that I don’t want their misery to affect me!

So – what am I getting at? Well, it was my misconception that I would “get better” through my entrustment to Mary. I thought it meant I would always be “good.”  No. Entrustment to Mary means I will get to see the truth of who I am…more and more.  But, this is not for nothing! The more I see how miserable I am, the more real God’s love is becoming for me. His love encompasses my misery with His mercy when WE (Mary and me) give it over to Him in confession or at the Holy Eucharist. Each layer of truth Blessed Mother helps me see uncovers a new layer of God’s unconditional love. This is amazing and worth the challenge!

My spiritual friends are the ones who listen to my discovery of misery and then remind me that I am loved as such. Interestingly enough, through the process I see I am not always a friend to myself! I can see my misery and fall to discouragement and lack of trust in God’s mercy. But, over the years, and thanks to the grace of a wise spiritual director, I am starting to be a true friend to myself. I attribute that to Blessed Mother’s work. She, in me and for me, reminds me of God’s love and mercy. Thanks MOM! Now, with Her grace, I pray that WE will follow this lead and WE will love my dear ones as they are...miserable, like me.

“I believe that I am deeply and personally loved by the Triune God with the whole truth about me, and

that, because I am a person of a little faith and weak love, Jesus entrusted me to His Mother at the hour of His death in the person of Saint John the Apostle, who represents all of us, thus showing His particular fondness for me, His most beloved child.” – Paragraph 1. of the Creed of the Families of Nazareth Movement, USA

Entrustment to Mary = Different than Imitating Mary

I was at a retreat this summer and the theme was about Blessed Mother and her role in our life. The priest drew our attention to the words of Jesus Christ while on the Cross, “Behold, your mother” (Jn 19:27). He mentioned how these words have the potential to be understood deeper and deeper every time we hear them. If we seek, then we shall find the deeper meaning.

Imitation of Mary

This same priest gave one of the most helpful analogies I have heard shared to help understand what entrustment to Mary means. He said to imagine a mother with two children. The first child is very brave, while the second one is not.  Both children watch as their mother enters a dark room. The brave child sees her enter and thinks, “Since my mother can do it, then I can do it too.” That child desires to and is able to follow the example of the mother, and enter the dark room. This is the example of imitating Mary.

Communion with Mary

Meanwhile, the other child thinks, “Yes, I saw my mother enter that dark room, but I am too afraid to go by myself. I will only be able to go in if my mother is present with me.” This child desires to enter the dark room, since his mother is there, but cannot follow her on his own. He needs the awareness of the presence of his mother to enter. He prefers to say “WE (mom and I) are going into the room together.” This is the example of entrustment to Mary or, another way to say it, communion of life with Christ through Mary.

The above analogy speaks volumes to me. I am definitely the cowardly child who wants/needs Blessed Mother’s presence in my life! Sometimes, I am not even brave enough to desire to follow her. That is why I beg for the graces that She will carry me. I like to envision myself as a child on her back, in a papoose sleeping while She carries me through all the adventures of my days. Therefore,  I can say “WE (Blessed Mother and I) are together caring for my children, washing the dishes, reading Facebook posts, going to Holy Mass, receiving the Holy Eucharist, talking to my ‘difficult neighbors,’ mourning the loss of my father, loving my husband, etc., etc. ”

Since being on that retreat, I have been contemplating the significance of being carried in the arms of Mary. It is easier to remember that I am carried the more I remember how truly God and Mary love me. In the example above, the two children wanted to follow their mother. Why? Because they were convinced of her love! They beheld their mom and wanted to be with her.

How much more crucial it is in my life to desire to be with the Blessed Mother! The more I desire this, the more She has been convincing me that I am loved as I am. The awareness of being loved as I am is helping me to be more and more grateful for Mary’s presence in my life. It is a lovely circle of discovering God’s mercy and love.

I’m curious – for those reading this blog – which child do you relate to most? Please leave a comment, I’d love to hear from you!