Recently, God has been showing me what a negative person I am. I have been seeing that I look for the negatives in a situation rather than the positives. For example, we have a rental and every time we lose a resident a fear grows inside of me that the next boarder may be someone who won't take care of the place. I have heard horror stories about bad tenants so I immediately go there in my thoughts and emotions. We have never experienced such an episode. Rather God has always provided us with the grace of being prudent when selecting occupants and then has blessed us with positive renters, yet I still do not fully trust Him the next time.
I carry over this negativity to my children and the events they go through. I beg the Blessed Mother to wrap them up tight keeping them safe from harm's way, as I feel there is so much animosity out in the world. (Maybe I watch too many television programs which show the "bad guys" ruling the world instead of our omnipotent God.)
The spirituality of communion of life with Jesus through the Blessed Mother is the antidote for this negativity. I have learned that God is present in all situations. I have learned that entrusting myself to the Blessed Mother will allow miracles to happen as she is a channel of grace to her Son, Who only wants the best for me and my family. My problem right now is that these truths are in my head and not my heart. I have not made them a part of my whole being. By also listening to the world, seeds of distrust start to grow.
I am currently reading the book - Mother Teresa: In the Shadow of Our Lady. It tells of Blessed Mother Teresa of Calcutta and her relationship with the Blessed Mother. There have been some helpful lessons and reminders in her story for me. One in particular is St. Ignatius' daily Examen, where he suggests spending time at the end of each day reflecting on what God has done on this day and what gifts He has bestowed.
"We go back to recover the gifts and graces overlooked yet still active in the events of the day. Like pieces in a grand mosaic, all of God's graces are important. The Father wishes his children to be equipped with the full complement of grace and love he has prepared for them day by day. One practical way of doing the Examen is to prayerfully consider, before retiring, five gifts or blessings we have received during that day. Doing this daily, we become more aware of God's gifts, and of God himself as a giver of gifts, rather than only as a judge. We begin to see his goodness where before we saw only his supposed absence. Like Mother Teresa, we can make this Examen with our Lady, who will help us see, through her eyes, the plan and presence of God all around us. Our Lady helps us to see and experience the constant love of God." [1]
The more we see through Mary's eyes, the more we can experience with her heart. And the more we experience with her heart, the more we become capable of seeing through her eyes on the next occasion.
This section in the book really spoke to me how important and necessary it is for me to go through my day with my Blessed Mother, and to be more grateful for all things that occur. Also, it helped me see that I must believe that all things are positive since God is present in everything. So as always, God's lessons are so very special. He allows me to see my weaknesses, but then reminds me how I am loved as His Scaredy Cat.
"A child, in entrusting itself filially to its spiritual Mother, begins to share with her its whole life, forming a communion of persons. The child has its eyes fixed intently on her, and without even knowing when, tries to imitate her fully: in her way of looking at the world, in her way of thinking, in her values, in her prayer and in her life. By imitating Mary, we unite ourselves with Christ and it is no longer ourselves who live but Him who lives in us (cf. Gal 2:20)." [2]
[1] Joseph Langford, Mother Teresa:In the Shadow of Our Lady, 66.
[2] S.C. Biela, In The Arms of Mary, 2nd. ed, rev. (Ft.Collins, CO: IAMF, 2005), 163.
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