Entrustment to Mary = To Need Love and Care

Mother’s Day 2015 is about to end as I start to write this post. Another gentle day in which I was reminded of the value of communion of life with Christ through Mary.

As I mentioned in a previous post, I’ve been dealing with anxiety, and now depression has reared its ugly head. It is surely a hormonal imbalance of some kind as, to date, my interior peace is riding the storm without being too disturbed. The symptoms come and go randomly. I am still surprised when the emotions overcome me and I am a ball of nerves or tears. My surprise is a source of comedy for me. After 15 years of living in my Mother’s arms, I am still surprised by my tremendous need for Her love and care! Oh, Mama, how quickly your little one forgets!

Meanwhile, Blessed Mother is not surprised that I forget. I believe She expects me to! Therefore, She always has a plan to remind me: A sudden irritation that leads me to a harsh reaction; a stubbed toe; a spilled drink; a broken mug; a mess left by my child; a runny nose; a deadline that is fast approaching; a late payment charge; a cell phone upgrade that I can’t figure out; a rainy day; three rainy days in a row; a computer glitch; a printer problem; a dead car battery; a bit cheek; a chin hair that got too long; the dirty kitchen floor; a flat tire; a bad crust on my pizza; the list can go on and on.  All these beautiful interruptions in my day remind me I am not in charge and I don’t know how to fully love myself or others.

To live in Mary's arms is the opportunity to see God’s action in the ordinary and difficult events of life. Each moment that I forget and react is my opportunity to remember how much I need MOM’s love and care.

“Believing that the Mother of Jesus is also my Beloved Mother, and that I am always her most beloved child, I dare to call her ‘Mom,’ as she teaches me to abandon myself to God through her openness to the ‘spirituality of events,’ especially in the experiences I do not understand.

Mary is an example and support for all believers: she encourages us not to lose confidence before the difficulties and inevitable problems of every day. She assures us of her help and reminds us that it is essential to seek and think of ‘the things above, not those of the earth’ (cf. Col 3:2).

Pope Benedict XVI

Homily of the Solemnity of the Assumption

August 15, 2006”*

*Quoted from the Creed of the Families of Nazareth Movement USA.

Entrustment to Mary = Kissing the Cross

I had the most interesting dream this week. I dreamt that I was being attacked by some ferocious four-legged animal. It had an awful snarl and huge teeth. I was holding its muzzle shut for a while, but realized it was too strong and too big for me to keep my grip on it. I was going to panic, but interiorly Blessed Mother was telling me not to be afraid – to let go and She would protect me. So, I let go. The “beast” snarled one last time, but then jumped up and gave me a friendly lick on the cheek.

I found it fascinating that I had this dream the night before reading the Families of Nazareth Movement’s Easter readings reflection that I use in a small faith-sharing group. One of the themes from this week’s reflection was fear and the feeling of being threatened. In Fr. Dajczer’s book The Gift of Faith he says:  “Fear, as well as the feeling of being threatened, becomes a part of the Redemption. Jesus, dying on the Cross, redeemed us from fear and from the feeling of being threatened, just as He redeemed us from sin.”[1]  He continues, “How are you to fight this fear that surrounds you? If you fight it directly, it will end in a fiasco. There is only one unfailing way:  open yourself up to the redeeming action of Christ through faith like that of an evangelical child.** You must believe that Jesus redeemed you from everything that threatens you, that you are truly free.”[2]

"Woman, Behold Your Son"
by James Tissot

I could really relate these words with my dream. I felt threatened by this beast. I felt there was no hope for survival when relying on my own strength. How true this is in my everyday life! I find “beasts” all around me! It’s bad enough just to read the news, but sometimes they come in an email that shares my friend is having another miscarriage, or a text that my friend left the seminary, or a phone call that my friend’s father has to have surgery for cancer, or the news of a friend’s divorce. Sometimes the “beasts” threatening me are my own thoughts and desires for perfection – stemmed from my eyes being opened to the truth that I waste so many graces, that this Lent was torture, and I don’t even want to sit through the long Triduum services.

Thank goodness I had a scheduled call to my spiritual director this week! What a grace it was when he picked up the phone and was there to listen as I described all that was threatening me.  How on my own can I be open to trust? How on my own can I see the Cross as Divine Mercy? I can’t! That is why I am entrusted to Mary. Mary wants to lend me Her eyes so that I can start to see the abyss of my misery and the suffering and evil all around me in the light of the abyss of God’s divine mercy and love!  All that I see has already been redeemed…and so WE (Mary and I) can go into the Triduum with joy. My entrustment to Mary is helping me to trust that “nothing will be impossible with God” (Lk 1:37).

**What is an “evangelical child”? The Little One showed me this week. A week before Good Friday she remembered that she was going to get to kiss the cross today. Never has she been so excited to go to church. Strangely enough, our pastor decided to have us adore the cross from our seats and wait to venerate the cross after the service was over.  The Little One was so patient until she finally got to go up. When it was our turn, we literally ran up together and she smiled and reached for the cross to give it a big kiss. I joined her, more grateful this year than usual. Yes, Mary is molding hope in my heart!

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[1] Tadeusz Dajczer, The Gift of Faith, 3rd. ed. (Ft. Collins, CO: IAMF, 2012), 60.

[2] Ibid

Entrustment to Mary = Benefiting from My Misery

I was in a really bad mood on Monday. The mood just “was” and no logic was going to explain it or change it. I was presented with a choice – allow it to affect my whole day and the day of all those in my path, or beg for graces.

I started off allowing it to affect my day and the day of my 3 year old. I was quick to put the blame on her that we would be arriving late to Holy Mass. I was annoyed to go to Mass because it takes effort to get the Little One ready, in the car, fed and rested enough to go. She was her usual slow self.  But, it wasn’t her fault that we were getting in the car late – it was mine because of my priorities 1) email, 2) Facebook, and 3) vanity. All turned into “non-negotiables” when, in the light of faith, they had nothing to do with preparing my heart or my daughter in time for Mass.

On the way into the church, I knew I was going to have a battle with the Little One about where to sit. She likes to sit behind the glass looking into the church. I don’t usually want to sit there because I feel separated from the experience, as if I am watching a TV.  But, since we were late, I decided we would sit there, but I wanted the Little One to know it was MY decision, not hers, so I held her extra tight and fought her desire to get down. That wasn't practical, so I let her down due to the squirming. She then got herself situated and wanted back up into my arms. What was my response to her request of arms outstretched? “No! You wanted to get down so you stay there.” She was so persistent. But so was I. I even had the gall to put my two hands behind my back. She climbed onto my lap and whispered into my ear “I want you to wrap your arms around me!”

Oh bother! How obstinate I was being! I could see plainly that Blessed Mother was talking to me through the Little One.  What a scandal to not immediately respond to my Little One by quickly holding her tight! How will she believe in the spirituality of communion of life with Christ through Mary if I don’t love her immediately when she seeks that love?! It was a true battle in my soul. I was helpless. I begged Blessed Mother to soften my heart. I was looking at the Tabernacle at the front of the church and hearing Jesus asking me “Do you believe I can heal you?” I was responding “Help my unbelief! Oh Mary, be my belief!” And, truly, only by the grace of God and Mary’s faithfulness to me, I put my arms around the Little One and held her tight. She stayed there most of the Mass.

I believe that this whole situation was provided to me as a grace. Because of my communion of life with Christ though Mary, I am able to see who I am. The bad mood, the Little One’s persistence, the awareness of my horrible priorities, and the obstinate hardness of heart…these are all my miseries. Mary lets me see the truth of my misery so that I have a reason to await Jesus’ Coming. I have a reason to need Him – and that is going to make this Christmas all the more special.  

The Families of Nazareth Movement Charism/Spirituality: "By the grace of the Holy Spirit, through Our Blessed Mother, we aren't afraid to present to God our weaknesses and misery. In fact, we benefit from our weaknesses because they help us to more fully experience God's Redemptive Mercy, especially in and through the Eucharist and Confession. Surrendering to God's will through Mary, we entrust ourselves to her so that she will lead us to humility, trust, and total obedience to God. In her arms, we can become Eucharistic People in order to receive and spread His Mercy to others with childlike trust. We recognize that the graces received from spiritual direction and frequent participation in the sacraments and in retreats assist us in this."