Entrustment To Mary = Standing In The Truth

On your path to God, do not be surprised that you discover your own misery and nothingness more clearly. You should receive these revelations with joy. For, if you were perfect, then you would not need God. S.C. Biela, Open Wide the Door to Christ, (Ft.Collins, CO: IAMF, 2005), 42

St. Therese of the Child Jesus teaches us ‘to recognize our nothingness, to [await] everything from God as a little child [awaits] everything from its father.’ An expression of this awaiting can be the gesture in which you trustfully stretch out your hands like a beggar toward God.  Ibid 47.

 

The spirituality of Communion of Life with Christ through Mary explains the way of becoming poor in spirit as admitting to God my nothingness and awaiting everything from Him. That I cannot come to God with my hands full of my deeds, but I am to show Him my empty hands.

 This was a new concept for me. I had spent most of my life “earning” my way to heaven. I had not understood that God gives me everything, and the only thing I can give in return is my sinfulness. I had not realized that to “stand in the truth” meant for me to admit my unfaithfulness and my sinfulness. This was going to be too hard for me and my inner self wanted to rebel at the thought. But God showed me this “way” by slowly stripping me of my spiritual “strengths” as seen by my following experiences:

 ·       I used to be able to pray a rosary every day, which included a long list of intentions to cover all those family members, friends, and others who needed prayers. I felt pretty good at the end of every rosary, giving myself a pat on my spiritual back. Yet, soon my rosaries started to fall apart with chains breaking and losing beads. Then family life became a big distraction, and schedules interfered. Quickly enough I stopped praying the Rosary every day – and was lucky to get one in once a week, if at all.

 ·       I went through a period when I made spending time in front of the Blessed Sacrament in the Church a priority, and visited Jesus every day. [I am privileged to have keys to get into the Church.]  Again I felt myself climbing my spiritual ladder as I internally acknowledged how “special” I was to be doing this daily prayer with my Lord. Soon I was beset with distractions during the prayer time by my own thoughts, and then by the Pastor, and finally by the cold temps inside the Church. I saw how easily I gave up this practice when I didn’t “feel” good emotionally about the prayer time, or when I became uncomfortable in the setting.

 ·       This Lent I thought I would pray the Litany of Humility every morning to start my day off right. Well, half way into Lent I realized I did not want to pray the litany and did not mean the words when praying as I was afraid those items in the litany may actually occur in my life.

 God has allowed me to see that when I try to do spiritual exercises on my own I fail and my intentions are not pure. But He also has led me to this spirituality so I may learn how to stand in the truth with the Blessed Mother. It is too hard for me to admit my nothingness on my own, but with her - WE can. The Blessed Mother lived a life of humility and hiddenness, and never tried to “earn” God’s love. Her deeds were done out of humble love and she gave God the credit for the graces for all the things she accomplished.

 It has been a struggle to get over my belief that I can earn heaven, but it has also been freeing. Knowing I am entrusted to the Blessed Mother gives me the courage to stand in the truth with her, and knowing God loves me as I am, helps US to admit my nothingness to Him. Also, with the Blessed Mother WE can persevere in spiritual exercises - doing them out of love instead of desire to earn merits.

When you discover your own spiritual misery, try to call upon Mary for help as often as possible saying: I do not want to admit that I am like a beggar who has nothing on my own. I constantly attribute God’s gifts to myself. I want to be rich before the Lord. I beg you, Mother of mercy, humble servant of the Lord, to stand before God as a beggar. Please ask Him for mercy for me. You yourself open the door of my soul, my life, to Him.  Ibid 51-52.

 

Entrustment to Mary = Facing Misery in the Light of God's Love

Misery. Such a miserable word.  Avoiding misery was the program of my life. Many want to continue to support me in this program – “Oh, what an awful day! You deserve a glass of wine.” Or “That stinks, let me treat you to a Starbucks!” or “You’re such a good person, don’t feel bad. You didn’t mean it.” Even worse, some “friends” try to convince me that I am “right” when I share how I treated my child, or friend, or co-worker the way I did. They can be so convincing that I can fall right into the trap of it all again – AVOID MISERY!

Is it any wonder Jesus told us “How narrow the gate and constricted the road that leads to life” (Mt 7:14)? Right before this he said “Enter through the narrow gate; for the gate is wide and the road broad that leads to destruction, and those who enter through it are many” (Mt 7:13). Not only do I see that on my own I’d be on the broad road to destruction– but sometimes, I see that without Blessed Mother, I push my dear ones onto this road with my criticism and nagging.

A priest recently shared with me that the devil spends enough time making people feel guilty and emphasizing their sins that we Christians don’t have to do this for one another. It wasn’t soon after this that I began to realize how critical I am with my dearest ones. Every sentence out of my mouth at home seems to be a dagger ready to plunge into the nearest victim. I try to hide it (sometimes) by making a joke about what a kid or my husband hasn’t done, only to hear the response “why are you being so sarcastic?”  My “holy” motivation?  I don’t want my kids or my husband to be miserable of course! I want them to see their huge pride so that they will be weak and rely on Mary. Ha! What a crazy twist in logic. The real truth, however, is that I don’t want their misery to affect me!

So – what am I getting at? Well, it was my misconception that I would “get better” through my entrustment to Mary. I thought it meant I would always be “good.”  No. Entrustment to Mary means I will get to see the truth of who I am…more and more.  But, this is not for nothing! The more I see how miserable I am, the more real God’s love is becoming for me. His love encompasses my misery with His mercy when WE (Mary and me) give it over to Him in confession or at the Holy Eucharist. Each layer of truth Blessed Mother helps me see uncovers a new layer of God’s unconditional love. This is amazing and worth the challenge!

My spiritual friends are the ones who listen to my discovery of misery and then remind me that I am loved as such. Interestingly enough, through the process I see I am not always a friend to myself! I can see my misery and fall to discouragement and lack of trust in God’s mercy. But, over the years, and thanks to the grace of a wise spiritual director, I am starting to be a true friend to myself. I attribute that to Blessed Mother’s work. She, in me and for me, reminds me of God’s love and mercy. Thanks MOM! Now, with Her grace, I pray that WE will follow this lead and WE will love my dear ones as they are...miserable, like me.

“I believe that I am deeply and personally loved by the Triune God with the whole truth about me, and

that, because I am a person of a little faith and weak love, Jesus entrusted me to His Mother at the hour of His death in the person of Saint John the Apostle, who represents all of us, thus showing His particular fondness for me, His most beloved child.” – Paragraph 1. of the Creed of the Families of Nazareth Movement, USA

Entrustment to Mary = Benefiting from My Misery

I was in a really bad mood on Monday. The mood just “was” and no logic was going to explain it or change it. I was presented with a choice – allow it to affect my whole day and the day of all those in my path, or beg for graces.

I started off allowing it to affect my day and the day of my 3 year old. I was quick to put the blame on her that we would be arriving late to Holy Mass. I was annoyed to go to Mass because it takes effort to get the Little One ready, in the car, fed and rested enough to go. She was her usual slow self.  But, it wasn’t her fault that we were getting in the car late – it was mine because of my priorities 1) email, 2) Facebook, and 3) vanity. All turned into “non-negotiables” when, in the light of faith, they had nothing to do with preparing my heart or my daughter in time for Mass.

On the way into the church, I knew I was going to have a battle with the Little One about where to sit. She likes to sit behind the glass looking into the church. I don’t usually want to sit there because I feel separated from the experience, as if I am watching a TV.  But, since we were late, I decided we would sit there, but I wanted the Little One to know it was MY decision, not hers, so I held her extra tight and fought her desire to get down. That wasn't practical, so I let her down due to the squirming. She then got herself situated and wanted back up into my arms. What was my response to her request of arms outstretched? “No! You wanted to get down so you stay there.” She was so persistent. But so was I. I even had the gall to put my two hands behind my back. She climbed onto my lap and whispered into my ear “I want you to wrap your arms around me!”

Oh bother! How obstinate I was being! I could see plainly that Blessed Mother was talking to me through the Little One.  What a scandal to not immediately respond to my Little One by quickly holding her tight! How will she believe in the spirituality of communion of life with Christ through Mary if I don’t love her immediately when she seeks that love?! It was a true battle in my soul. I was helpless. I begged Blessed Mother to soften my heart. I was looking at the Tabernacle at the front of the church and hearing Jesus asking me “Do you believe I can heal you?” I was responding “Help my unbelief! Oh Mary, be my belief!” And, truly, only by the grace of God and Mary’s faithfulness to me, I put my arms around the Little One and held her tight. She stayed there most of the Mass.

I believe that this whole situation was provided to me as a grace. Because of my communion of life with Christ though Mary, I am able to see who I am. The bad mood, the Little One’s persistence, the awareness of my horrible priorities, and the obstinate hardness of heart…these are all my miseries. Mary lets me see the truth of my misery so that I have a reason to await Jesus’ Coming. I have a reason to need Him – and that is going to make this Christmas all the more special.  

The Families of Nazareth Movement Charism/Spirituality: "By the grace of the Holy Spirit, through Our Blessed Mother, we aren't afraid to present to God our weaknesses and misery. In fact, we benefit from our weaknesses because they help us to more fully experience God's Redemptive Mercy, especially in and through the Eucharist and Confession. Surrendering to God's will through Mary, we entrust ourselves to her so that she will lead us to humility, trust, and total obedience to God. In her arms, we can become Eucharistic People in order to receive and spread His Mercy to others with childlike trust. We recognize that the graces received from spiritual direction and frequent participation in the sacraments and in retreats assist us in this."