Entrustment to Mary = Seeing God in Passive Mortification

I went on a Lent retreat last weekend and would love to share a couple of the jewels I received. Like the advice given to Scaredy Cat, focusing on humble means was the theme of the retreat.  What are these humble means?

At the retreat we learned about active mortification verses passive mortification. In Lent, we usually lean toward active mortification. The “what should I do or not do?” mortification. Should I give up coffee or TV or Facebook? Should I say a rosary every day or some other pious activity? Usually, the goal in what I choose is to pick something I can be successful in doing. But, does this keep my focus on what Jesus Christ did for me on Calvary? If I am successful in my Lenten practices, do I come to know I need a Savior? Do I experience the desire to follow Christ to the end because I have been amazed by His tremendous love for me? We were encouraged to think about this. I was motivated to choose something that I know there is no way for me to accomplish, so that when I fail, I can remember I need a Savior. On the other hand, if I succeed in this impossible Lenten sacrifice, I will be convinced that it was only by Grace that I did!

When seeking the humble means, though, I find passive mortification is more valuable. The priest shared how the road to Calvary for Christ was a road of passive mortification. He did not choose what was to happen to Him, it was chosen for Him. He was condemned to death. He was scourged. He was made to carry the Cross. He was put to death. Jesus’ response to passive mortification was to say “yes”. He said to the Father: “Not my will, but yours be done” (Lk 42:22). I was encouraged at our retreat to see what God would choose for me this Lent and to try to accept this. In doing so, I might begin to die to myself, to my own will. It was explained to me that my cross was to become more aware about the truth of my being torn. Like the image of Jesus on the Cross – arms outstretched, torn apart – I am torn between what I want to do and what I do. I want to be patient, but I see my impatience. I want to measure up, but I constantly fall short. Then, my entrustment to Mary can be described as dying in Her Arms. She will carry me through the death of the old man in me. It is not always easy to accept what comes my way from God. Like today’s exhaustion when I have so many things to do to get ready for a trip; or yesterday’s experience when the Little One kept asking me to play and I could barely muster a smile; or having to make dinner for the family on a night I am not hungry or could survive on a bowl of cereal.  WE (Blessed Mother with me) try to see in these events God knocking on the door of my heart. WE try to see how He desires to help me through these events. I need the comfort of Mary’s Arms – remembering She loves me as I am. Passive mortification helps me to see God’s action in my life - in every moment.

I want to tell you, Mary, my Mommy, that I am grateful for everything, even though this gratitude is so meager and pathetic that it seems to barely exist within me. …

I am grateful for this ongoing interior war, for the never-ending battle in me between the old man and the new, because it constantly weakens me so that You may be my strength.

I am grateful for the unceasing tension. Because of it, when I feel like God, I immediately fall apart, and You can piece me back together the right way. But this does not last for too long because this story of my departures and returns never ends. (S.C. Biela, The Two Pillars, [Ft.Collins, CO: IAMF, 2006], 122.)

Every moment of our lives is permeated with the Presence that loves and bestows. To live in faith means to be able to see this loving and constantly bestowing Presence. Because of faith, Christ gradually becomes a light that shines through a person’s whole life and that shines through the world. He becomes a living, active presence in the life of his disciples. Every moment of our lives brings us His presence. Time is the Presence written with a capital “P.” It is the presence of Christ in our lives. It is the personal presence of God, revealing Himself as the One who expects something from us. God reveals Himself to us through His will. But what is His will? It is always that which is best for us because God is Love. Every moment of your life is a moment of meeting with the Presence that is loving you. (Tadeusz Dajczer, TheGift of Faith, 3rd. ed. [Ft. Collins, CO: IAMF, 2012], 5-6.)

Entrustment to Mary = Facing My Sugar Addiction

My addiction to sugar began at a very early age. I should have suspected something was unusual when I found the Helms bakery glazed doughnut covered in dirt in our yard and decided to brush it off and eat it, or when my sister’s boyfriend told me to kiss his toes before he would share a treat – and I did! I come from a family who fed this addiction with M&M and See’s candies at every occasion, and dessert served every night. So each Lent I choose to give up candy and cookies – my two biggest temptations to gluttony. I am amazed how good I feel when I lose the extreme sugar consumption – I have lots of energy and am more productive throughout the day. This extra boost even leads me to more prayer time and desires to be more charitable. Life is good without sugar.

 

Then Easter Sunday arrives and the fasting is over for it is time to celebrate our Lord’s Resurrection. I notice I get a bit apprehensive thinking about returning to sugar. I say to myself, “Why not stay off it! You feel so good! It is healthy for you!” Yet, soon I find myself in the store buying candy. I try to rationalize that the kids “need” Easter baskets full of delectable chocolates, as I purchase my favorite pieces, knowing it won’t all fit in their baskets so some will be left for me. Every year I give in and celebrate the Resurrection with an over consumption of sweets. I especially felt supersaturated with sugar this year. And even though I was bilious, I continued to gorge on treats for the next 50 days of the Easter Season. 

In reflection on my sugar addiction, I want to reason that it is the extra graces that come with the Holy season of Lent that help me overcome my weakness to candies and cookies during those 40 days. Although, this is true, in reality there are also graces during the “ordinary” days of the year that can help if only I would call upon them. 

Reflecting on the Gospel reading of the rich young man who leaves Jesus because he cannot follow him for he does not want to give up his material goods (cf. Mark 10:17-20)  made me stop and think - would I give up my candies for Jesus, if He asked? Could I leave a scrumptious dessert to follow His call? Most likely not, but I am learning that Jesus loves me anyway, so I must not turn away sad, but instead look at Him and say, “Lord, I cannot leave my gluttony by myself, I need You to help me.”  I have learned that standing in the truth of who I am, and admitting it to Christ is what He wants, for then He can rescue me. If I try to rid my addiction on my own I will always fail.[1] If I ask for the Blessed Mother to help me then I have the power of Her intercession and grace which is strong enough to triumph over my temptations.[2] I also know that I have to continually ask for this grace – daily, in fact. For as soon as I think I have conquered my addiction, it seduces me again, and if I am not begging for spiritual help, I soon give into its enticement. Another great defense against my addiction is offering it up during the Consecration of the Eucharist at Holy Mass, and since I am able to attend daily Mass I have the opportunity to do this often.[3]

I have resolved myself to the fact I will always have this addiction in some form in my life. It is God’s way of reminding me how much I need Him.[4] What I am coming to understand is that God loves me no matter how many cookies or candies I eat. He also loves me by sending me graces through His Son, the Eucharist and through the Blessed Mother so I may confront my cravings – for He knows how good I feel when I am not over consuming refined sugars and He wants the best for me – and being entrusted to His Mother I am learning to want that too!

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[1] “Upon seeing your helplessness, trustfully call out to the Giver of everything to rescue you. He wants to do all things for you because He loves you and He sees that you cannot live without His love.” S.C. Biela, Open Wide the Door to Christ, (Ft.Collins, CO: IAMF, 2005), 252. pg. 85

[2] “It is necessary for you to ask Mary as often as possible for Her intercession. She, your Mother, intercedes for you, even when you do not ask her to do so. But, when you do ask her, when you give her your consent – your “yes,” it is as if her hands are freed. When you entrust yourself to her, she can obtain everything from God. She can even ask for a miracle,

such that you will begin to be poor in spirit, as someone who lives with the hunger for God and His holy will." Ibid. 132

[3] “The Holy Mass is the center of our spiritual life, the answer to all of the questions and doubts that torment us. It is the rescue from our afflictions and difficulties. It is the perfect cure for every evil.” Ibid. 80

[4] “When you begin to seek help in your helplessness, you will hear the knocking of the One who, upon crossing the border into your world, desires to rescue you. God desires that you seek nothing other than Him. Because of God’s desire, His knocking is present in your failures, disillusionment, and disappointments. He brings them about or allows these events to happen so that you can see that His will should be everything for you.” Ibid. 192

Entrustment to Mary = Seeing God's Unconditional Love

You may wonder if I am a cat lover - not really. When my husband decided our children needed kittens I was opposed, yet God had a spiritual plan for us in getting a pet. The cat [Harry] pictured below became a great visual reminder of how God loves me as I am. As a family we were not good about grooming Harry, so much so, that he would develop gnarly mats in his mane. One got so big that when we finally got it clipped off it looked like Harry had had a kitten. Harry also had two different colored eyes, which made him look more scary than special. In his later years he did not smell sweet at all, he was the living definition of “dingleberry”. Through all of these stages in Harry’s life my daughter unconditionally loved him. She cuddled with him, allowed him to sleep on her bed, and kissed him. This went on for 12 years! Even during his last weeks when he lost control of his bodily functions, she cleaned up his messes - still all the while bestowing continuous love upon him.

Through my daughter’s unconditional love of Harry I have come to realize that this is how God treats me. When I turn from God’s love, I can become gnarly, smelly, and scary in my sinfulness. Yet God does not leave me. He still bestows His love, His forgiveness, His embrace throughout each of my life stages. Where I would pet Harry only when we had him shaved and cleaned – God holds me no matter how repulsive I may turn in my pride. Where I would lose patience with Harry’s potty accidents - God endures my bouts with the world’s temptations.  Where I would lock Harry up in his room when he “misbehaved” - God opens up his merciful heart and forgives me when I sin. There is no condition that deters God from reaching out to me. And better yet, He gave me the Blessed Mother who also holds me and carries me when I stink of my pride, lust, and ego. She reminds me I am loved as I am and there is a better life for me in communion with Her Son.

I am thankful for Harry’s life, for the lessons he and my daughter taught me about God’s unconditional love, and for my Blessed Mother -  for it is hard for me to believe I can be 

loved as I am - yet in Her arms She shows me this truth, and it is setting me free from being 

a “Scaredy Cat”.