Lent is off to a great start! I let my compulsions get away
from me and in my “strength” decided to 1) give up coffee, 2) give up sweets,
3) give up tortilla chips, 4) go to daily Mass, 5) fill the Rice Bowl this year
with monetary sacrifice, 6) sign-off from Facebook until Easter, and try to be
an all-around loving sweet human being! Ha!! What am I thinking? Am I out to
prove my spiritual prowess? Do I think I need to be an Olympian at Sacrificing?
What spirituality am I following?
Fail, fail, fail! I’ve encountered my weaknesses in
triple-fold and we are only on day 2.
But, is it really failure? If I choose to regroup and follow
the spirituality of communion with Christ through Mary, then I have a lot of
truth to gaze upon and a lot of Love and Mercy to benefit from!
In 2 short days I have discovered some amazing truth.
Coffee. I am
physically addicted to caffeine. I have been going through withdrawal symptoms
for the lack of my morning pot of coffee. I hate to let you in on how bad I am,
but the truth be told…I’ve given my heart to coffee. I await coffee every
morning more than I await the Eucharist. I make sure I have supplies of coffee
beans and half and half in the house when I might let slide having foods in the
fridge for my kids’ school lunches. I
dream of holding a to-go cup in my hand, something that happens rarely because
we don’t have the funds for it. I rely on it, instead of God’s grace, to get me
through the day. It might not be my whole heart that I’ve given to coffee, but
the large piece dedicated to it takes from giving my whole heart to the Lord.
Holy Mass. There were years when I was a daily communicant.
Now that I have a young one again, I am not as frequent of an attendee. For
Lent, the pressure was supposed to get me going again. Truth revealed? Thursday
morning, I get up to make the kids’ breakfast in plenty of time to eat my own
breakfast before morning Mass.
Distracted and lethargic (remember no coffee) I don’t start eating until 7:15
am. Mass begins at 8 am. I somehow get
looking at emails and my mind loses track of time. I look at the clock, which
reads 7:40 am. Between eating and reading, I had plenty of time to dress and
get the Little One ready to go to Holy Mass. What kept me from going was the
selfish outlook that I only go if I can receive the Eucharist. I don’t go to
Mass to celebrate with the Body of Christ the greatest prayer of the day! Oh,
blessed weakness! I have not given all my mind to the Lord.
So, who needs Blessed Mother? I DO!!
Yes, these are just two examples of how awesome my Lent has
started (no sarcasm intended). In the past these would have been enough to
cause me to forget it was Lent altogether. But, thanks to Communion of Life
with Christ through Mary, I am just more convinced of my need for Our Savior,
and my need for the Blessed Mother to carry me always. She has helped me see
that even my good desires are often a mere reflection of my ego. But, at the
same time, She is convincing me that even before I saw this truth God loved me;
and, now that I see this truth, His love is all the more amazing to me! It
helps me desire to call out to Her more often, so that perhaps She will rescue
me before I fall and set my eyes on Her Beloved Son!
If you see your spiritual misery with faith in God’s love, then this
truth will not threaten you. If, however, you start to doubt God’s mercy, then
newly discovered misery could lead you even to despair. Doubting God’s mercy
could provoke you to close the door of your heart before Him, thus directing
you to commit even worse sins. But if you try to remember that you are being
carried in the arms of Mary, the Mother of Christ, you will be fully open to
God’s love. In Her arms, you may be shielded from your faults and
unfaithfulness; you may experience peacefulness and even happiness when God
reveals the contents of your whitewashed tomb to you in a fuller light.
S.C.
Biela, Behold, I Stand at the Door and Knock (Ft.
Collins, CO: IAMF, 2005), 28-29.
I like this reflection because it reminds me what a priest told me a couple of years ago. He said I should choose to do something for Lent that I am sure I will fail at! He said when I do this, then I have the opportunity to see how much I need God in order to do anything. IF I only choose things which I KNOW I can do, then I risk building up my pride and even giving the glory to myself at seeing my accomplishments! I am so grateful to learn this truth. I see often how I have attributed God's "gifts" to myself even when I haven't been conscious of doing it at the time. I choose to stay in Mary's arms because she ONLY chooses God's will and she lived a life of total surrender to Him. I am incapable of such surrender, so I feel so blessed to know I can ask my MOM to be my openness to God's will for me! Lent now is more of a time witnessing God's merciful love (through my failures) than a time to be proud of myself for being "successful" at keeping my Lenten promises.
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