One of my dearest friends turned the big 4-0 this past
weekend and had invited my husband and I to join her and her husband, along
with another couple, for a weekend get-away.
I had been looking forward to this weekend for months, although I was a
bit curious as to how the conversations would go. You see, the wife of the other couple was a self-proclaimed
atheist, and I knew from her Facebook posts that we have polar-opposite views
on many, many topics.
Being in this spirituality, I desired to entrust it all to
Blessed Mama. I would jump out of her
arms from time to time, worrying about the topics of conversation, or whether I
would revert back to the crippling shyness of my youth. I was pleasantly surprised by the ease of
the chatting around the dinner table the first night, and found myself on her
team while playing a board game.
On Saturday, while the men went off to golf and us ladies
enjoyed the spa (yes, I was totally spoiled), I found myself praying for both
ladies during my back massage. There
would be a time when my acquaintance and I would spend some time together
alone, while my dear friend was receiving a different beauty treatment. Although I was originally anxious about how
we would fill the time, the prayer time soothed my soul and I was able to
re-entrust our visit to Our Mama. As we
lounged on the deck, she asked me if I was planning on having any more
children, and I found myself smiling and not at all defensive like I imagined I
would be (this question was coming from a woman who, when bringing me a hot
meal after my fourth child, told me she hoped this was the last one, because I
was overpopulating). I just shared the
story of how overwhelmed I felt when I first discovered I was pregnant with our
fifth child. But the very day we
discovered his existence, a friend of my husband’s called, begging for prayers
as his 13 year old son was dying from cancer in the hospital. At that moment, my so-called “trial” was
flipped 180 degrees into the greatest blessing. I shared about my gratitude and what a gift our son was to each
member of our family.
My conversation with her reminded me that I am called to
allow God to love me and love through me.
I am not to worry about which words to use, or what the end result will
be, but just to share my experience of God’s love. Regardless of whether she had a name for God or not, she
recognized His presence in my story; she recognized Love. She could identify with gratitude.
I see so many signs of my own weakness during the
weekend: anxiety, lack of trust, trials
of the imagination, neglecting God’s will in my leisure time..etc, but I love
this quote by Rev. Tadeusz Dajczer in the Introduction of In
the Arms of Mary by S.C. Biela:
Our sinfulness does not stop God’s
action in us. By experiencing interior
conflict as a result of sin, we can open up, like St. John the Apostle, who
also experienced weakness and sin, to the words the Savior said to His beloved
disciple and to all of us: “Behold,
your mother” (Jn 19:27). John,
entrusted then to the Mother of God, “took her into his home.” We, too, can discover in those words the
call to self-entrustment to Mary as we invite her, who formed the earthly face
of Christ, to form also this face in us. (S.C. Biela, In
the Arms of Mary, 2nd.ed, rev. [Ft. Collins, CO: IAMF, 2005], xxxviii - xxxix).
As a close relative pointed out as I shared the details of
my weekend, nothing is wasted. Even in
what I perceived to have been a very secular weekend, through my entrustment, I
brought Blessed Mama’s presence regardless.
Only she could love them through me without commentary, bringing Christ
to them purely. On my own, I can only
bring garbage. But our Blessed Mother can love all her children even through
the weak vessel that I am. It is not up
to me to see any fruits, but I can desire that no matter where I go, I go in our
Mother’s arms.
No comments:
Post a Comment