Entrustment to Mary = Being Loved When Acting Like a Two-Year-Old

My two and ½ year old son is driving me crazy these days.  Lots of screaming for this or that.  Lots of “no” coming out of his mouth.  Lots of “You’re mean, Mommy” when he doesn’t get his way.  My days seem long!  My husband and I were recently on a vacation while my parents watched our children.  My mother reported that he was an angel!  Calm and playful and joyful!  He took his naps peacefully and ate his meals quietly in his highchair.  I was so excited to learn about the changes in his temperament and hoped for a continuation of his pleasantness after their departure. 

Not so, although my husband reports that our son is just fine when I am not around.  For some reason, he has quite a lot to protest while I am with him.  I know, having been around toddlers for many years, this will pass. And I know that some of his behavior might be the consequence of interrupted naps and boredom from time to time. But I started reflecting upon what his behavior might tell me about my own behavior and attitude. 

While on vacation, my husband and I enjoyed time to play, to pray, to rest, to eat.  I was so very grateful for simple pleasures, like only getting myself ready for the day, or relaxing by the pool without worrying about little ones.  I noticed that it was so much easier to only deal with one other personality on the trip, rather than six on a daily basis.  As an introvert, I enjoyed my time to myself while my husband went golfing.  It was easy to be grateful and joyful and prayerful and at peace.  After a few days back at home, I noticed how cranky I am and easily irritated at everyone else’s demands, emotions, needs.  It is like I am my own two-year-old son:  happy as a clam when I receive ‘easy’ graces, but unappreciative and ill-tempered when the graces are ‘difficult’. It seems that I tell my Father “no”, or “You’re mean” when my will is not done, or life gets more uncomfortable than I would like.

It’s funny, though, that while on vacation, my husband and I seemed to notice all the times kids were around, watching them enjoy a late dinner at a taqueria after a Little League game, or observing them while at Mass.  I knew in my heart that as much as I enjoy my quiet time, God’s will is for me to be with my little ones.  My prayer is that I remain joyful when I do not get my way, or when my plans are interrupted.  Hopefully I, too, will grow out of this cranky phase in the arms of my Blessed Mama, or at least trust that I am loved as such.  In the book In the Arms of Mary by S.C. Biela, I am grateful for this reminder:

“The Lord does not have to explain to His subject why He gives him ‘candies’ or nourishes him with ‘bitterness’. 

A servant of Him

who is Love,

will never ask why?

Mary did not ask this question,

neither during the Annunciation,

nor at the foot of the Cross of her Son….

If you believe

that in everything that God does

there is an expression of His love,

you may not expect special explanations.

You may not analyze

why sometimes you were particularly honored

and at other times – divested of everything.”

(S.C. Biela, In the Arms of Mary, (Fort Collins, CO:  IAMF, 2005), 148, 149.) 

I see that I so often want what I want, and that there is unhappiness when I don’t get it, just as with my son.  But I am looking out for my little one (ie. avoiding too much sugar, getting enough rest, learning to share), just as my Father is looking out for me:

Perhaps, when you hear God calling, you do not realize how much He wants to bestow on you.  By proposing to you His own will, He desires to free you from all of your wounds, disappointments, and difficulties, which are the result of seeking your own will.  When you agree to let go of the steering wheel of your life and hand it over to a Father who loves you, then you will be freed from many fears and stress, as well as from the torment of responsibility, which flows from the faith you have in yourself. (S.C. Biela, Open Wide the Door to Christ, (Fort Collins, CO:  IAMF, 2005), 150.)

Entrustment to Mary = Thy Will Be Done

Well the election is over and my candidate did not win.  Through it all God lovingly showed me a lot of truths about myself.  I saw that I seek the easy way out. I wanted my candidate to win so the issues I care about would be taken care of or resolved, allowing this “Scaredy Cat” to return to her comfort zone. I saw that I am a sore loser.  I saw that I put my trust in “man” more than God. I saw that I pray for “my will be done” - for I was not satisfied with the results of the election which God allowed to happen.

To adhere to Christ means to surrender our will to His will. Spiritual life is brought about under continuous tension between the will of God and the will of a person. The tension comes from the fact that we revolve continuously around our will, around whatever is convenient for us, while it is obvious that the scope of our plans and desires, of what we want, does not correspond to what God wants. Tadeusz Dajczer, The Gift of Faith, 3rd.ed. (Ft. Collins, CO: IAMF, 2012), 22-23

In my human thinking - it made sense that God would want Obama to lose so that the unborn children could have a better chance to see life.  But now looking at it spiritually maybe I am being called to have to personally get involved in changing hearts of women so they will not choose to have abortions.

In my human thinking - it made sense that God would want to guarantee our religious freedom by ousting the administration which is attacking this liberty. But now looking at it spiritually maybe I am being called to defend my faith as a Christian soldier sharing the Gospel message with those who live only for the world.

In my human thinking - it made sense that God would want to stop the redefinition of true marriage = between a man and a woman. But now looking at it spiritually maybe I am being called to be a witness of this truth to those who do not see the dangers of these social changes for our country and for their souls.

Entrusting myself to Mary helps me see how important it is to accept God’s will over my will. Mary knew that God’s will was better than any plan she may have had for herself.

If we are surprised that God foils our plans and leads us down a different road than the one we imagined, let us recall that it was the same in the life of the Blessed Mother. Mary also thought of her sanctity, her road, her mission differently. The one who gave up motherhood was called to an exceptional and unique motherhood. This call foiled all of her plans. Ibid, 116.

So I cannot find security in my country’s leaders, but I can find it in my Blessed Mother’s arms. She always leads me to the security of her Son’s love and Father’s mercy. All of which is armor for me to put on as I face the battle between my will vs. Thy will - be done.

If living by faith means adherence to Christ and to His will, then in this context it should be emphasized that seeking our own will is the worst thing we could do. It is the source of evil and sin, the source of our misfortune and enslavement. Ibid, 24.                                               

Faith, precisely because it is a free act, also demands social responsibility for what one believes. The Church on the day of Pentecost demonstrates with utter clarity this public dimension of believing and proclaiming one's faith fearlessly to every person. It is the gift of the Holy Spirit that makes us fit for mission and strengthens our witness, making it frank and courageous.

Excerpt from the Apostolic Letter "Motu Proprio Data" Porta Fidei of the Supreme Pontiff Benedict XVI.