Having written 6 blog posts now and shared how my
entrustment to Mary has helped with my sugar addiction, doing chores, surviving
the empty nest, having no expectations, seeing God’s unconditional love, and being
not afraid, I felt like it was time to come clean. I feel like I need to
clarify the fact that my entrustment to Mary has not been a magical potion that
has cured me from all of my physical, spiritual, and emotional ills. BUT - that
is not Mary’s fault, nor the fault of God, Jesus, or the Holy Spirit. It is my
skewed ego, pride, and
conceit that has me continuously returning to living as if all of the Heavenly beings did not exist, with me trying to live on my own without surrendering to God’s grace.
conceit that has me continuously returning to living as if all of the Heavenly beings did not exist, with me trying to live on my own without surrendering to God’s grace.
Before coming to know the spirituality of living in
Communion with Christ through the Blessed Mother, I was striving to be PERFECT,
and believed once I reached perfection, I would then earn God’s love and the
right to be in Heaven - my skewed ego.
I have a hard time standing in the truth of “who” I am - a sinner - who will
never get over all my weaknesses - my
pride. I can’t believe I can be loved without being perfect in thought,
mind, and deed – my conceit. But in
reality, GOD LOVES ME AS I AM and has given me His Mother, and She carries me
in her arms and that is all I need. Although, in my twisted mind I always seem
to think I need to be in control of this beautiful truth.
“St. Thérèse of Lisieux briefly said that one has to be
like a child and not worry about anything. This one statement contains the
whole program of our life: to abandon ourselves to the Lord, that is, not to
care about anything because he loves us and takes care of everything. Only then
will true peace begin to penetrate our souls and our hearts.” [1]
Surrendering is hard for me. Writing the prior blog
posts has helped me see the different areas of my life that I do not want to totally
surrender to God and to Blessed Mom. Yet holding on to my addictions, fears,
and weaknesses only brings me stress, disappointment, and sadness. I have seen
how God’s love can free me. I have felt God’s grace that brings peace and
happiness. But why won’t I give up the helm and acknowledge: GOD IS IN CHARGE -
I DO NOT NEED TO BE PERFECT TO BE LOVED – JESUS I TRUST IN YOU?
The book The Gift of Faith offers an
answer for this, “It can be said that you sin because you are “old,” since
being old in spirit closes you off from grace and ties God’s hands. God is
young and wants to conjure up the moon for you. Was it not the moon for St. Thérèse
of Lisieux when he gave her snow on the day she took her veil? God loves this
kind of attitude, the kind that does not see limits, and this is the attitude
of a child. He sees no limits on possibilities; he is persevering to the point
of folly; he is open to that which is new – a
child is able to believe.” [2]
So I need to become a child. Yet, I can only do so by
standing in the truth and admitting that I cannot become a child on my own.
Then I must beg for Blessed Mom to carry me to her Son who can bestow on me the
grace to be open to surrendering my “old” self to Him.
Maybe becoming a child will open up my eyes of faith to
realizing that my entrustment to Mary is "magical" for without it I would
remain in the spirit of the old man which could ultimately lead to my eternal loss
of Heaven.
"The spirit of the old man - contrary to that of the evangelical child - wants to solve
problems by itself. And so it exposes itself to the temptations of Satan, it immerses
itself in the evil of this world and commits sin." [3]
[1]Tadeusz Dajczer, The Gift of Faith, 3rd.
ed. (Ft. Collins, CO: IAMF, 2012), 42-43.
[2]Ibid, 66-67.
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