When I was 14 I had a birthday party with all my girl
classmates. We were playing one of those steal-the-gift games and it was
timed, so that when the timer would go off we got to keep whatever gift we had
at the moment. There were lots of things to choose from, but a battle was waged
over a pack of cool stickers. There were 3 of us fighting over it. I had a chance
to steal the stickers, and then in utter greed and coveting, I secretly took
the timer and pushed it forward so that it buzzed while I was holding the
prized possession.
Two years later, I was going through my sticker book and
found the evidence. I was horrified by my actions – how could I have been such
a thief? I remember shedding tears of what I thought was contrition. I wanted
to make amends, so I got an envelope and put all the stickers remaining, plus a
few of my prized favorite stickers, and anonymously mailed them to the person
who had them before me at the birthday party. I think I went to confession
too…although, to be honest, I can’t remember if I did.
Now, let’s fast forward 15 years. By then I had found the
spirituality of communion of life with Mary and was being formed in it by
mentors. One day I was sharing my story of contrition with someone who was deep
in the spirituality. I think I was somewhat proud of how I had “made amends”
when I was a teenager. The mentor, loving me as a fellow Christian, and looking
at it all through the eyes of faith, was able to help me see that when I
thought I was “making amends,” I was really just scrubbing the outside of my
whitewashed tomb[1]. I
was trying to cover up my pride. I wasn’t really contrite at all back then – I
wasn’t sad that I offended Christ; I shed tears because my ego was wounded.
What an eye opener that was! My Christian friend didn’t stop
at helping me see this deeper truth, he made sure I was also aware that this is
who God loves! He loved the little girl who was selfish, and prideful! Blessed
Mother, through my mentor, wanted to convince me first and foremost of God’s
love and his mercy. It became a joyful time to go to confession soon after to
have my Lord wash a portion of the inside of my tomb!
Reflecting on this story today – another 10 years has gone
by – I am left in awe that the LORD planted that story in my heart to bring up
to the right person, who could help me see the real truth. I see now how Jesus
had to wait until I was aware of
Blessed Mother’s arms before revealing it to me because only then could I hear
it without despairing, or running away from him.[2]
So, now, I am filled with gratitude, that Blessed Mother is sharing her faith
with me, her acceptance of God’s mercy with me, her desire for my communion of
life with Christ with me. This is
amazing!
I am very excited that the Holy Father has proclaimed the Year
of Faith. I have learned over the years that there is always something more
to know about my faith. What new things does God have in store for me during
this special time in the Church? WE, Blessed Mama and I, await the graces
together!!
[1]
Cf. Mt 23:7
[2]
“In [Mary’s] arms…you may experience peacefulness and even happiness when God
reveals the contents of your whitewashed tomb to you in a fuller light.” (S.C.
Biela, Behold, I Stand at the Door and Knock [Ft.
Collins, CO: IAMF, 2005],29)
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