I was introduced to the spirituality of Communion of Life with Christ through His Blessed Mother about 14 years ago. Fortunately, I was rescued from my previous path of trying to grow in perfection before I had kids, because I still struggle today with passing along a distorted image of God’s love to my children, even with my attempts to live in our Blessed Mama’s arms.
Even though I want my children to experience God’s pure love through me, I am so often times an obstacle. Because of my own pride, I still have high expectations about their obedience and behavior. About 5 years ago, I prepared my children for their own entrustment to the Blessed Mother. Although we talk about asking Blessed Mama to carry them in Her arms to help them be more united to Her Son, I am often unsure they personally see the value and the gift and the need for Her.
Recently I have been butting heads with one of my daughters. Although sweet in nature, she has been struggling with lying. As my natural inclination is to be a Control Freak, I struggle with continuous forgiveness and being loving as I teach her the value of standing in truth. She continues to lie, so I must be creating some sort of fear in her to tell the truth (fear of getting in trouble? fear of a less-than-perfect image of herself? fear of surrendering her own will?). I am in serious danger of teaching her the attitude of the older son in the parable of the Prodigal Son:
Rather than being like the prodigal son who exposed the nakedness of his misery to his father, and received generous and gratuitous forgiveness in return, I follow the path of the older son. The older son was convinced that his father loved him because “all these years I served you and not once did I disobey your orders” (Lk 15:29).”….We are constantly tempted to follow the path of the older son and create a false image of God’s love….If we consider the prodigal son’s father as a symbol for God, then, by imitating the attitude of the older brother and desiring to be alright before God, we unconsciously do not want to need God’s forgiveness. Here, then, is where the unconscious resistance to grace is born of us, and we ask ourselves, Why does God have to forgive me? I prefer to be perfect…
…God, the Merciful Father who loves me as a sinner, slowly disappears from my life. In His place appears a false image of God who loves me because of my deeds and merits. I trudge further along the path of the older brother – the path that closes me to the truth about Redemption….(S.C. Biela, The Two Pillars, [Ft. Collins, CO: IAMF, 2006] 23, 24, 25.)
|"The Virgin Mary is a tender mother to all who love her son: |
we can turn to her and rest in her love at any time"
by Elizabeth Wang, T-07930-CW © Radiant Light 2006, www.radiantlight.org.uk
As my daughter began to smile at this revelation, I personally grew in hope that all can be repaired. God can work around any obstacle (me!) and love my daughter, His daughter, and reveal His mercy to both of us.