After auditions for the annual local production of The
Nutcracker, my young daughter was anxiously awaiting the posting of the
cast list. She hoped to acquire the role
of one of the party girls, or perhaps be cast in the Chinese Tea dance. As she
heard that not all dancers would even get a role, she eventually just
hoped to get any part. Finally, a
week or so went by and the list was posted at the dance studio. I drove her over and she ran inside and came
back after a few minutes. She
looked a bit down, and I was trying to prepare a little encouraging speech in
my head, preparing for the worst.
“I’m a sheep,” she announced, disappointed. She went on to
say that it felt like a babyish part and felt, once again, like people treated
her as much younger than her eleven years.
I decided to overlook her negativity and congratulated her on getting a
spot in the production! After all, she
did get what she wanted, a chance to participate and enjoy all the related
festivities. As we drove home, I asked
her what she remembered from last year about the part of the sheep. As she described the role, I remembered being
enchanted as an audience member by those dear sheep. I recalled that there were only 4 sheep
total, compared to the 15 or so dancers on stage for the party scene and the
Chinese Tea. I also remembered that the
song went on for quite some time, 2 and half minutes compared to a minute or so
for the Chinese dance, and the role required actual ballet technique, compared
to other parts where the dancers just walked prettily or jumped around. “Wait a
second,” I said. “Do you mean to tell me that you are
disappointed over a role where the casting director trusts you to actually
dance, for quite awhile, with only 4 others (Bo Peep and the 3 other sheep) on
stage at the same time?” She started to
smile a little smile, and her excitement over her role grew and grew….
It reminds me of S.C. Biela’s description of the helpless sheep
in his book, In the Arms of Mary.
At first thought, this sheep without a shepherd doesn’t seem to be
something to be desired. But,
spiritually speaking, Jesus is moved by these helpless sheep:
Those who
recognize their own weakness and helplessness
and trustfully
await everything from God
are likened to,
in the Gospel, the “sheep without a shepherd.”
the
relationship of Jesus to such persons is very special –
since going out
of His way in meeting their expectations,
the Good
Shepherd is disposed to make for them
an additional
effort,
and even to
perform miracles.
(S.C. Biela, In
the Arms of Mary, 2nd ed., rev.[Ft. Collins, CO: IAMF, 2005], 59)
St. Mark’s Gospel (Mk 6: 30-34) describes Jesus
wanting to get away and pray, but the people were coming in great numbers,
hurrying after Him, and his heart was moved with pity for them, for they were
like sheep without a shepherd. He taught them and eventually, because of their
trust and thirst for Him, even performed the miracle of the loaves and fishes
for them.
I have been struggling with my spiritual attitude
lately….neglecting my prayer life, relying on myself to accomplish the tasks of
the day, getting my responsibilities done, but not always with love and
charity, so therefore rendering them worthless.
As I reflect on my daughter’s initial response to being a sheep, and how
it transformed to one of great joy, I find a renewed desire to be ok with being
the helpless sheep. In fact, I am
learning that in trying to be the strong sheep, I do not call out for Christ or
attract His attention at all. I am
encouraged by the direction I find here:
Try to begin the
day with the prayer of the helpless sheep:
kneel before the
Lord and in the presence of the Crucified
Jesus, or before
another of His images, pray with the prayer
of empty hands or
with a focused gaze directed at the
Cross. Remain in the presence of Jesus with the
attitude of
the helpless
sheep. This prayer should accompany
you
throughout your
whole day….
…You are the last
one, dragging yourself – your prayer is so poor, you are accompanying Jesus in
such a terrible manner. It does not
matter!
It is critical that
you put your hope totally in Him,
when in response to your
attitude, God fills you with His presence, then,…
…you await everything
from Him…
…You can also discover
more fully the truth that God really loves the
sinner in a special way,
and the truth about the
lost sheep whom the Shepherd carries on His shoulders.
(S.C. Biela, In
the Arms of Mary, 2nd ed., rev.[Ft. Collins, CO: IAMF, 2005], 78)
Surely I will view the Nutcracker performance this year in a
whole new light, especially watching Bo Peep and the little sheep in Act II!
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