Entrustment To Mary = Seeing God's Gifts All Year Long

Christmas Day has passed and the opened presents are there for the viewing. Earlier this week when looking at the wrapped packages under the tree I reflected on some of the “gifts” I had received from God this past year.

 

On March 30^th our daughter delivered a very healthy pre-mature baby girl weighing in at 6.5 pounds. She had a high-risk pregnancy, which had her taking special medicines and shots to keep the baby inside. The neonatal specialists were amazed she hadn’t delivered early - as it was, she gave birth just one month before her due date. The little baby has grown and thrived and her life has brought healing graces to our family as we journeyed with our daughter through the divorce process this past year.

 

In October another daughter delivered a baby boy, Blaise Emmanuel. She had two “normal” deliveries prior, so our only worry was she would go past due which would limit our cuddling time before our visit would come to an end. She did go past the due date by a week, and she delivered a baby with his bladder on the outside. The New Jersey hospital prepped right away to send Blaise to John Hopkins Hospital in Baltimore, MD – renowned for such a condition. My husband and I watched the siblings while my daughter and her husband hurried off to Baltimore. They were met by the specialist letting them know Blaise has a “great” bladder and they would be able to take care of putting it back inside the next week. The doctor sent them home to await the surgery.  My kind coworker told me to stay another week, which I did. So we enjoyed having the newborn home, and all was normal except for wrapping the bladder in saranwrap after each diaper change. Meanwhile we were looking up the patron saint for bladder conditions and discovered it is St. Blaise! We felt like this was a hug from God letting us know He was taking care of everything. Plus, we were then able to condescend to the fact the family’s move to New Jersey last January was another one of God’s gifts, since they are close to Baltimore where their baby will be spending a lot of his time with future reconstructive surgeries. Other gifts included the family getting a room at the hospital housing unit, and the other grandma being free to stay the 5 week term of recuperation to help out, and that little Blaise was able to get out of traction after the minimum period of 4 weeks.

 

God’s gifts are sometimes wrapped in ways that I do not always see them as treasures but rather as tragedies, burdens, and frustrations.  I need to allow Blessed Mom to help me see God’s goodness in all events. For she  accepted God's gifts of a donkey ride while 9 months pregnant, and fleeing her home while being chased by soldiers who wanted to kill her baby. She trusted, awaited, and loved. I cannot do that on my own, but perched in her merciful arms, she can trust, await, and love for me and through me.

 

So how about you? What gifts did God give you this past year?

"The conviction that everything is 'given' to us, that everything is a gift, can be born on the foundation of the truth about God's unceasingly bestowing love and the truth about ourselves as people who need everything from this bestowing love."

S.C. Biela, TheTwo Pillars, (Ft.Collins, CO: IAMF, 2006), 7.

 

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A note from our bloggers:

We offer our prayers that you feel the Christmas joy, love, and peace

that Jesus brings every day when we open our hearts to Him.

We hope for a most blessed New Year for each and every one of you

 - full of God’s merciful gifts in 2016  ~ the Jubilee of Mercy!

 

 

Entrustment To Mary = My Rescue

My husband and I attended Sunday Mass at the Cathedral in Boise, Idaho a few weeks ago. A rather large, bald headed man came down the aisle and sat right in front of us. He had a black suit coat on over casual jeans. He seemed very agitated, looking around and moving side to side. At one point he made a fist and pounded it against his other hand. I noticed he did not pray the prayers with us. In my mind I began relating him to a possible ISIS follower. I imagined he had a long machete concealed in his coat’s sleeve. I wondered if he was there to cause terror and possibly cold blooded murder. I looked over at my husband and he seemed to be thinking the same. He whispered that he did not feel comfortable and that we should move. I told him I agreed and that we should wait until we stood up for the Gospel reading before moving. When it was time, my husband pointed to a pew across the aisle and a few rows ahead from where we were sitting. I did not like the fact we moved ahead, thinking the man then saw us moving away from him. I figured if he was a terrorist, he would take offense to this action and would single us out during a rampage. I also felt guilty for in our original pew, behind us was a mother and two young girls. I felt that maybe we were supposed to stay there to be the barrier between him and them. All of the ISIS terrorist news stories I had watched in the past few weeks surfaced in my mind creating an image of what this man could do to us, the congregation, and the priest. Needless to say I was most distracted during the Mass. We noticed the man went up to receive Communion. When we were ready to leave my husband suggested we go out a side door. When we got to the crosswalk, we turned around to see the man right behind us! We walked slowly across the street so he could get ahead of us and we could quickly slip into our car where we felt safe and sound.

 

 

 "You look at the tabernacle, but do you believe that there, barely a few yards away from you, is the One who holds your history and the history of the entire world in His hands…the One on whom everything depends? In His presence you worry about various problems and how to resolve them. When you kneel before the God of impossible things and you worry about your problems, there is a kind of falsehood in this type of prayerful attitude. You are acting as if you were God and as if you yourself had to solve everything – you who are who is not." [1]

 

Upon reflection of my actions that morning and reading this passage above, I realized two things. One, during that event I depended more on my knowledge and instruction from the world’s news shows, than depending and trusting on my Lord and Savior. My omnipotent God was in the Church with me, yet I let my fear overshadow my belief that He would protect all of us there. Second, I had immediately accused this man of a life of crime just by his appearance. My judgment showed my lack of charity for my neighbor. Instead of seeing Christ in him, I chose to see Satan.

 

This event is more proof of how I walk along the road of imperfection, and need my Blessed Mother’s rescue. Only with her may I look at my misery and not be ashamed. She reminds me that Jesus came to save me through His death and resurrection. Jesus trusts that He can reveal my weaknesses to me, knowing that I am held by His mother and she will be my comfort. She will help me understand His merciful love – a Love for me, as I am. She will also help me to see her Son in those around me, to look for Him in the events of my life, and to seek Him above all else.

Thank you Jesus, for giving me your mother before you died! You knew I would be lost without her. [cf. Jn 19:26-27]

 

[1] S.C. Biela, TheTwo Pillars, (Ft.Collins, CO: IAMF, 2006), 81.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Entrustment To Mary = What To Await From God

“We obtain from God exactly what we await from him.” [1]

This quote from St. Therese of Lisieux has had me reflecting on what I await from God?

 

I can imagine what I “should” await from Him, and that is goodness, love, mercy, hope, peace, joy, and miracles. But reverting to my old ways of thinking I see I mistakenly await justice, punishment, negative consequences, doom, and gloom. Because I am not perfect I figure I do not deserve good things to happen. Because I cannot give God a statement of good works, desires, deeds, I figure I have not earned His special bestowals. Even though I have experienced event after event to prove this theory wrong, I still get stuck in its mixed up rationale.

 

For example, with my daughter’s high risk pregnancy I don’t believe that we deserve the miracle of God keeping the baby safe in the womb until she is full term. Nor do I completely trust in God’s care of her if she were to be born prematurely. Although I want to, my stupid way of thinking goes back to me not deserving such special graces for I see how quick I am to deny God’s omnipotence, so why would He want to help such an unbeliever!

 

I have been told that the spirituality of communion of life with Christ through the Blessed Mother is the path of imperfection. This road of imperfection sounds good to me as I see daily how I never will be perfect. I see how lost I would be without my entrustment to Blessed Mom to rescue me from my old behaviors and thought patterns which I return to in a vicious cycle.

 

Jesus said he did not come for the healthy but for the sick, and that He wishes to be my Divine Physician. Only with Blessed Mom will I learn to believe this truth. Only with Her will WE shed my desires for perfection and become satisfied in being loved, forgiven, and accepted as a wayward soul.

 

On the road of imperfection, I may never be able to admit my nothingness as I am called to do. Therefore, I entrust myself each and every day to my Blessed Mom. Through my entrustment, WE can await everything from God, and in doing so, obtain everything from Him as well. WE then can joyfully await a beautiful baby girl knowing that God will take care of her and her mom, giving them all that they will need according to His divine plan.

 

 

 [1] S.C. Biela, TheTwo Pillars, (Ft.Collins, CO: IAMF, 2006), 70.

 

 

Entrustment to Mary = The Fruit of Imperfection

As much as I was trying hard not to let it happen, anxiety started creeping into my Christmas break as January got closer and closer. I knew January was going to be a busy month work-wise and kid-wise. I was fighting hard not to lose the joy of Christmas, but as usual, when “I” fight something “I” eventually lose!

To battle the obvious scenarios I had in my over-analyzing brain, I started praying. I prayed every day that I wouldn’t let January get me down, that I wouldn’t experience anxiety and late nights and stress. It seemed that as soon as I left the church, I would be talking to someone and hear myself saying how stressed I was. Ah, ye of little faith! Each time I admitted to my anxiety, I was made aware of my lack of trust. I didn’t believe my prayers would or could be answered by my All-powerful God. I went to confession on just this point.

But, there was something else Blessed Mother wanted me to see about myself. It wasn’t only my lack of trust, it was the more deeply hidden truth that I want to be perfect. I was praying not to be stressed – but why? What was my goal? Was I seeking God’s glory in my prayers? No, I was seeking a way to mask my weakness. It was so subtle, but my prayers were actually using the “spirituality” against itself. I was “admitting to my weakness” (anxiety, lack of trust, self-centeredness…) but not so that God’s mercy could embrace me. No. My goal was to be relieved of my weakness so that I wouldn’t be humiliated by it. I was begging to climb the road of perfection!

The road I am on, through communion of life with Christ through Mary, is NOT the road to perfection. It is the road to childlike trust and humility. I am specifically on this road because I am imperfect; I am a sinner; I am full of pride! I tried on my own for years to conquer my weak tendencies and I failed. Then, the words from Scripture touched me very deeply:  “Behold, your mother.”  My heart was opened toward this new way for me – a way in which Blessed Mother picks me up and carries me toward her Son.

It should have been no surprise to me that I was manipulating my prayers, because I still am imperfect. I still am a sinner. I am still full of pride. My surprise confirms this! But, the surprise exposes once again my BLESSED WEAKNESS that is my ticket to the Arms of Mary. This reminder is the fruit of my entrustment. When I start to climb the hills toward perfection, it is absolute grace that knocks me down and reminds me who I really am. Thank you Blessed Mother for rescuing me – all praise and honor be to my Lord, Jesus Christ!

Just as she did in the case of St. Juan Diego, the Blessed Mother places you too on her back and carries you through your life as someone defeated by your own pride. While carrying you on her back, she unceasingly adores her Son, Jesus Christ, your Savior who constantly blesses both her and you whom she carries as her beloved child. You should not forget why you are being carried: you lost the fight; you could not manage on your own. Without her you would have never advanced from the point of defeat.  (S.C. Biela, The Two Pillars, [Ft.Collins, CO: IAMF, 2006], 37.)

Entrustment to Mary = A Real Solution to Live in Hope

“Mooom-mmmyyyy” the Little One kept calling. She had gotten herself into a stubborn pickle. She was unable to exit the car because something didn’t go exactly the way she envisioned after I pulled into the garage. When I went out to see why she wouldn’t come in, she made some crazy excuse about needing my help to do something that she was completely capable of doing. She just needed me. But, how did I respond?

As I walked back into the house (leaving her in the car still), my conscience was tugging at me. I had used a harsh voice. I had piled on top of the existing problem issues from earlier – clearly letting the Little One know that I hadn’t forgotten her tantrum from this morning. My own “tantrum” seemed to be intensifying this power struggle.

“MOOOOOMMMM” I cried in my head! I had gotten myself into a stubborn pickle! Blessed Mother began to soften my heart by reminding me what the Little One’s day was like. “I forgot my tennis shoes for P.E. again; AND, today was my show and tell,” were the first things she shared with me when I picked her up.  And then it came out she forgot her library books too! I had spent the beginning of our drive home going on about how if she hadn’t spent so much time this morning complaining about what socks she wanted to wear all this wouldn’t have happened.  Hmmm…perhaps all she needed was a big hug when we got home? But, I walked away.

I, like the Little One, started searching hard for a way out of this mess. Her solution (help me get out of the car and I will feel better) was one I was too stubborn to give in to. So I asked my Not So Little One if he’d mind playing the role of the “good cop”. Blessed Mother’s love was ready and willing in him. It worked. The Little One came in with red circles under her eyes from crying, but she was smiling now. By grace, my tantrum had subsided too, and I wanted desperately to hug the Little One.

This tiny episode had a valuable lesson for me. Because of Blessed Mother’s action through the Not So Little One, the Little One and I were able to get over our prides. I need the saints, the angels, my friends, my family to help when I am stuck and unable, on my own, to step over my pride. In a special way, I need Blessed Mother! What HOPE there is in my home now that I have a support system - this spirituality - that validates that GOD loves me as I am and there is a purpose to my life.  In addition, this spirituality helps validate that GOD loves my children just as they are and they have a purpose in this life too! We fail each and every day, but because of Blessed Mother’s arms, we can get up! My Little One can find help – she can still scream “Mom!” and I have a solution when, before, I felt so helpless. I now can yell “MOOOOMMM!” too! When I am stuck, I am not left unaided. I can be wrong and immature, but still have a place where I can be held and comforted. This is a REAL SOLUTION for all the trouble in this world:

Shortly before Jacinta went to the hospital where she was to die, she said to Lucia: "In a short time now I am going to heaven. You are to stay here and say that God wishes to establish in the world the devotion to the Immaculate Heart of Mary. . . . Tell everybody that God grants graces through the Immaculate Heart of Mary, and that they must ask them from her. Tell them that the Heart of Jesus wishes that by His side should be venerated the Immaculate Heart of Mary. Tell them to ask for peace through the Immaculate Heart of Mary; God has placed it in her hands." (Message from Our Lady of Fatima)

…Imagine St. Juan Diego’s very difficult situation, and then you will know how to cling to Mary’s back and how to snuggle your head between her shoulders. It will be as if you are immersed in her so that your heart clings to her Immaculate Heart, and your heart and Mary’s heart become one. You will live in union with the Mother of God. In this way, no barriers will be able to come between your two hearts. In turn, your eyes will gradually become as if Mary’s eyes – your ears; her ears – your thoughts; her thoughts. For can the one whom Our Lady of Guadalupe takes into her arms, so that he does not become lost on the difficult path to the Only Lord, live in any other way? (S.C. Biela, The TwoPillars, [Ft.Collins, CO: IAMF, 2006], 38-39.)

Entrustment To Mary = Being Taken Off My Pedestal

My faith sharing group started up again last night. The theme was Human Pedestals and how God loves us so much to the point of knocking us off our self-contrived ones so to save our souls to be with Him for all of eternity. In reflection, I remembered back to 2nd grade being knocked off a "good student" pedestal I had constructed for myself. Our teacher was going around the room making comments on the personalities of each student and their good and bad behaviors. I figured she would not have any negative comments to make about me, but when it came to my turn she pronounced that I was a busy-body, and talked to my neighboring students too much during class time. I was crushed. Now I can see it was God's love that had toppled my pedestal. The humiliation had let me descend so to see that I was on the same level as my fellow classmates who I wanted to judge as lower than I. God was saving me way back then, from losing sight of Him with the elevation separation I was creating.

 

I have erected several pedestals during my life using my family, work, Church. In every aspect of my existence I have put myself above others at some point, believing I am a special "somebody" deserving praise and recognition. But God has always showed His loving mercy by collapsing these platforms in order to save me from my own self-interest. A priest friend suggested I keep my pedestals low to the ground so when God has to knock me off it won't hurt so bad!

 

This image of pedestals has helped me visually see how quickly I can build myself up in the temporal world, and the image of crushed edifices helps me see God's loving rescue. How hopeful it is to know He won't let me remain far away from Him on my self-absorbed throne, and that He gives me His Mother to pick me up out of the rubble and set me again on level ground.

 

Our contrived greatness - our self-invented pedestal - has nothing in common with the truth. It is as phony as stilts on which a circus performer shows off in front of an audience.

 

How we perceive ourselves demonstrates that all of us are, to a greater or lesser degree, seated on some kind of pedestal. Contrition is what demolishes the fictional pedestal and the illusions that prevent us from standing before God in the truth. In order for contrition to become truly deep and authentic, a person must stand in the truth - on the ground. A person must see himself as he really is before God. He must descend from his pedestal with a contrite heart. If an individual resists this, however, then the pedestal must be demolished.

S.C. Biela, The Two Pillars, (Ft. Collins, CO: IAMF, 2006). 3.

Entrustment to Mary = Rescued From My Pride Over Chips & Salsa

After acting so very childish tonight, I was amazed to read the following words:

Just as she did in the case of St. Juan Diego, the Blessed Mother places you too on her back and carries you through your life as someone defeated by your own pride.  While carrying you on her back, she unceasingly adores her Son, Jesus Christ, your Savior who constantly blessed both her and you whom she carries as her beloved child.  You should not forget why you are being carried:  you lost the fight; you could not manage on your own.  Without her you would have never advanced from the point of defeat. (S.C. Biela, The Two Pillars, [Ft. Collins, CO:  IAMF, 2006],  37).

I had been so very fed up with the at-the-drop-of-a-hat temper tantrums of my three year old that I threw one of my own.  These past few weeks with everyone back at school has worn me out, and it seems this introvert (Control Freak) has yet another strong willed child.  As soon as his third birthday hit, he forgot how to use his words and has replaced most conversation with full-blown screaming.  Not good in the car, not good at the dinner table, not good at bedtime, and at most other moments throughout the day.  So, when my husband so considerately offered to bring home dinner tonight, I texted our Chipotle order to him as he had requested.  As we unpacked our meal at the dining room table, I noticed he had forgotten the one item that I personally was looking forward to – the chips!  After the last few 100 degree days and nights, I had been looking forward to a cold diet coke and chips and salsa.  Needless to say, I overreacted with criticism and disappointment at his honest mistake and made a fool out of myself in front of my children.  So embarrassing to admit, but I actually left the house to go back to buy the chips myself.  Sad to say, but not quite the good example I had in mind to teach my kids about gratitude!

"The Blessed Virgin Mary, our Mother, prays for us continually, and helps those we entrust to her care" 
by Elizabeth Wang, T-01513-OL, © Radiant Light 2006, www.radiantlight.org.uk"  

While driving in my car, I felt so very frustrated.  I knew it really wasn’t about the chips.  I had been feeling so tired and unappreciated by everyone in my household and was throwing a little pity party for myself.

But - mostly I was frustrated by my pride.  My pride pushed me out the door to buy the chips and show my kids how unappreciative I was of their father’s generosity.  My pride was separating me from a family dinner.  My pride was feeding feelings of entitlement to some quiet time and yet, I couldn’t shake it.  I really didn’t even want the chips anymore, but I felt so lost I didn’t know where to turn.  It is like the quote above:  I was defeated by my own pride.  At that point, I was completely helpless and couldn’t advance without Blessed Mama.  I didn’t recognize her intervention until I reflected on that quote.  Because of her, I now see that I was able to come home with ice cream to celebrate her feast day of the Most Holy Name of the
Blessed Virgin Mary.  On her back, I was able to apologize to my husband.  I think she picked me up and placed me there.  I don’t think I was even able to climb up there…she had to do even that for me.  And I am so very, very grateful. 

I see how ridiculously weak I am, complaining about chips.  But God revealed to me once again my need to be rescued from my own pride, especially in the ordinary, everyday events, and sent in my Mother to help.  Thank you, God, for allowing me to see the truth about my weakness and how it calls upon the abyss of Your merciful Love.  

Entrustment to Mary = Desiring to Be Merciful

I just started writing this week’s blog with the intention to write about being merciful. I actually had just typed out the words “I have watched with amazement how Blessed Mother has formed me over the last 14 years to desire to be more merciful.” No sooner were the words on the page typed when my 5-year old daughter pushed the lever on my office chair causing it to lower toward the ground. My button was pushed and I snapped! Like Marshmallow in the movie “Frozen” I increased in size and probably sounded like I was roaring my disapproval. My heart is still pounding from that momentary episode.  What for, MOM? What for?

My blog was headed in the wrong direction, obviously! When I talk about mercy I have to see it from all its aspects – and to really ponder the question, do I only think “mercy” is when I am allowed to look good in my own eyes? Am I only experiencing “mercy” when I am given the grace not to overreact? Perhaps “mercy” is something much broader – something much deeper and amazing. Perhaps “mercy” is when Blessed Mother helps me to see who I am so that I call out for “Divine Mercy” – so that I can realize the depth of needing a Redeemer, Her Son, my Savior!

The process of my entrustment to Mary has been this road of discovering just how deep Divine Mercy really is. Some have claimed my road is self-centered. I don’t think this is necessarily true. The last 14 years I have been getting a good view of my misery – and being reminded that I am loved as such. Until I am convinced of this, I believe that my ability to give mercy will be greatly limited. It has come from the depth of understanding who I am that I have just recently started accepting others for who they are. This grace, however, is not something I can ever possess. Instead, it is something I constantly have to await. No longer do I simply desire to “fix” myself or others. Now, my desire is that I (and everyone!) believe in TRUE LOVE!

Gratitude to God is born on the foundation of the truth about God’s forgiving love. It is also born on the truth about humility, which is the truth about us. Humility is the truth that tries to remove from our hearts the poisonous influences of the faith that we have in ourselves. The conviction that everything is “given” to us, that everything is a gift, can be born on the foundation of the truth about God’s unceasingly bestowing love and the truth about ourselves as people who need everything from this bestowing love. A cry of gratitude comes forth from the depth of a heart that is full of awe before the reality of God’s bestowal. (S.C. Biela, TheTwo Pillars, [Ft. Collins, CO: IAMF, 2006], 7.)

WE, Blessed Mother and I, have started a fundraiser for a friend in need. You can click here to read about it. Please consider participating in this mercy-raiser! My experience has been that I more easily discover God’s mercy through tangible acts of kindness and love – through a priest, family member, friend, co-worker, stranger…a PERSON!  I hope that my friend will get the message of mercy from the generosity of those MOM uses for that purpose! Please, at least say a prayer for her and her daughters today, and pass on the information. Thank you!! 

Entrustment to Mary = Positive Feelings and No Feelings

When I was first drawn into the spirituality of communion of life with Christ through Mary I was given an abundance of easy and effective graces. I was easily motivated, single-minded, and didn’t understand when others weren’t as enthusiastic about spreading the spirituality as I was. Oh, those were the days! I was very serious about this business of doing all that I could to be of use. Little did I know I was subconsciously building the business of my pride!

It was hard to see my pride when I was being fed intravenously with positive feelings. It wasn’t until years later that I now see the tower of ME I was building. How did I finally get to know? It was in describing to my spiritual director my lack of feelings and the response of slothfulness it was leading to. For more than 10 years I had been faithful in small things regarding a job that I have.** However, over the last few months, I have started to push everything to the edge. I choose playing on my smart phone or a TV show over work. I've starting letting things go…not for a day, or a week, like I could justify in the past, but now a month, or even a year. Deadlines don’t have the power they once had in my life. I push the deadline. I accept the late fees. I “file” the paper on top of the pile that never goes away. Not only do I see this in my work, but also at home. When company comes, less gets cleaned. The words “I’m sorry, I forgot” are more commonly used.

After sharing with my spiritual director just how bad it was getting, he simply asked me, “Are you surprised by this inability to do a good job?” I had to answer truthfully – “YES! I am surprised it can get this bad!” Then he laughed at me, in that all-knowing, empathetic way that has been his custom when I reveal to myself who I really am. He helped me understand that it is a trap to think that “I am faithful.” I know I was given adequate warning through the materials, conferences, and retreats, but I inevitably have to live it before it hits home.

Yes, I thought I could be faithful in small things. I thought I could entrust to Blessed Mother in all things. But, my current slothfulness is helping me to see that even the desire to entrust to Mary is a grace and I cannot posses it.  What now? I am called to more contrition and gratitude, more begging, and a deeper awareness of God’s mercy. It can be so easy to believe I am loved when I am successful, but as the failure, it is only in and through faith that WE (Mary and I) believe it. This is an opportunity for me. WE can choose to see this event through the eyes of faith or I can try to whitewash it by reading more articles on organization and how to do better in life. WE (Mary and I) choose to live with “High Hopes!” WE choose to believe that this is who God has loved all along, and if He desires, He will allow MOM to animate me once again – but when it happens this time, maybe (I have to be honest – it is only a maybe) I will join Blessed Mother and be full of gratitude for that special grace and give God the glory for faithfulness in small things.

The first chapter of the book The Two Pillars by S.C. Biela is titled “Human Pedestals.” WE just reread it in amazement on how it applies to my current situation. I’d have included the whole chapter in this blog if I could, but it will just have to suffice to share this paragraph: 

Gratitude to God is born on the foundation of the truth about God’s forgiving love. It is also born on the truth about humility, which is the truth about us. Humility is the truth that tries to remove from our hearts the poisonous influences of the faith that we have in ourselves. The conviction that everything is “given” to us, that everything is a gift, can be born on the foundation of the truth about God’s unceasingly bestowing love and the truth about ourselves as people who need everything from this bestowing love. A cry of gratitude comes forth from the depth of a heart that is full of awe before the reality of God’s bestowal. (S.C. Biela, The Two Pillars, [Ft.Collins, CO: IAMF, 2006], 7.)

**Even though during these years I used the phrase WE (Mary and I) were faithful together, internally, deep within, I must have believed it was “I” – alone. It was so subtle. It is still thanks to my communion of life with Christ through Mary that WE can see this truth today. She never abandons me. She is always faithful to “small” things – such as helping me to live in truth and bringing me closer and closer to Her Son!