My young daughter and I had a rare opportunity to go out to
dinner together after a late doctor’s appointment. I was so grateful for the opportunity, as she
was able to share how she felt about middle school. While she seems to have adjusted quite well,
she experiences bouts of rejection and loneliness, especially during PE where
she feels her athletic ability falls short.
She shared with me how the “cool” kids classify others, and in subtle
and not-so-subtle ways, reject other students with their looks, comments, and
exclusion. My heart went out to
her. I remember those awkward days, and
so I tried to encourage her with stories of my own. She lit up as she recounted a story of St.
Therese of Lisieux, whose close friend left town, and years later upon her
return, acted as though she had never known Therese at all. We spent some time trying to figure out why
God might be allowing the situation, and how He could be drawing her closer to
Himself. We left our dinner feeling a
bit closer to one another, as well as to our Savior, Who can allow such
loneliness to bring us closer to Him.
That same week, my son seemed unusually quiet and moody. I prompted him to share with me what might be
bothering him, and he, too, was struggling at school. He had found himself in the midst of some
conflicts and was feeling a bit rejected.
My motherly instinct was to turn into a mama bear and have a word, if
you will, with these peers of his. But, (thank you, God) because of this
spirituality, I was able to walk him through the difference between God’s will
and God allowing an event in order to draw out some greater good. I encouraged him to look at the event as God
trying to tell him something, and that, perhaps, this really had nothing to do
with the goings-on at middle school.
Perhaps God is knocking more loudly at the door of his heart? Perhaps without the conflict, my son could
feel confident and secure and see no need for a Savior?
Which leads to my
week. I found myself feeling
lonely. Sure, I have some acquaintances,
some fellow moms to chat with during the drop off at school. But all around me, people were making plans
and playdates and I just felt left out.
I later took my kids to the park, and all around me were groups of kids
and their mothers celebrating the start of the long weekend. Still later, when our family was at a gathering, faith sharing with a group of fellow church families, the discussion felt shallow. We have been in
this “new” city for close to three years now, and I still miss my old friends
dearly. I find myself struggling to make
decent conversation. I even had the occasion to meet with close family friends for
a BBQ, only to experience what felt like forced conversation when we used to share more laughter and openness. I turned to my
husband later that evening and thanked him, truly, for being my friend!
Last week I had a chance to meet with my spiritual director
and I was able to share that even with God I feel lukewarm. It was my turn to write the blog post for over
two weeks, and I couldn’t even connect with people behind a screen! Fortunately I was encouraged to see this as a
pruning of sorts. I was encouraged to
trust God’s mysterious ways with faith and simplicity. I was encouraged to go to the Word of God and
our Mother more quickly and consistently.
Who knew that the advice I gave to my children was the very same words
of encouragement I’d need to hear myself?
God and His sense of humor….
So, I leave you and me with these promising words about
loneliness…
No one, however, experienced so strongly
the depths of poverty or understood it as well as Mary. Therefore, we can always ask her to accept
loneliness in us. Otherwise, we will
either always fearfully run away from this grace, or we will suffer a painful
defeat by summoning up our own strength to make attempts to control
loneliness….
…After Pentecost, in silence and
solitude, Mary accompanied the birth of the Church as its Mother. Because Mary is the Mother of the Church, it
is so important for us to be open to her action in us. It is crucial that we hand ourselves over to
her and to everything that God wants to accomplish in our souls through
her. On our own, we will not accept the
grace of loneliness. We will either fear
it, or we will try to take control of it.
Such a response only ends in defeat.
(S.C. Biela, Open Wide the Door to Christ, [Ft. Collins, CO:
IAMF, 2005], 186, 187).
