Entrustment to Mary = A More Fruitful Lent

Lent is off to a great start! I let my compulsions get away from me and in my “strength” decided to 1) give up coffee, 2) give up sweets, 3) give up tortilla chips, 4) go to daily Mass, 5) fill the Rice Bowl this year with monetary sacrifice, 6) sign-off from Facebook until Easter, and try to be an all-around loving sweet human being! Ha!! What am I thinking? Am I out to prove my spiritual prowess? Do I think I need to be an Olympian at Sacrificing? What spirituality am I following?

Fail, fail, fail! I’ve encountered my weaknesses in triple-fold and we are only on day 2.

But, is it really failure? If I choose to regroup and follow the spirituality of communion with Christ through Mary, then I have a lot of truth to gaze upon and a lot of Love and Mercy to benefit from!

In 2 short days I have discovered some amazing truth.

Coffee.  I am physically addicted to caffeine. I have been going through withdrawal symptoms for the lack of my morning pot of coffee. I hate to let you in on how bad I am, but the truth be told…I’ve given my heart to coffee. I await coffee every morning more than I await the Eucharist. I make sure I have supplies of coffee beans and half and half in the house when I might let slide having foods in the fridge for my kids’ school lunches.  I dream of holding a to-go cup in my hand, something that happens rarely because we don’t have the funds for it. I rely on it, instead of God’s grace, to get me through the day. It might not be my whole heart that I’ve given to coffee, but the large piece dedicated to it takes from giving my whole heart to the Lord.

Holy Mass. There were years when I was a daily communicant. Now that I have a young one again, I am not as frequent of an attendee. For Lent, the pressure was supposed to get me going again. Truth revealed? Thursday morning, I get up to make the kids’ breakfast in plenty of time to eat my own breakfast  before morning Mass. Distracted and lethargic (remember no coffee) I don’t start eating until 7:15 am. Mass begins at 8 am.  I somehow get looking at emails and my mind loses track of time. I look at the clock, which reads 7:40 am. Between eating and reading, I had plenty of time to dress and get the Little One ready to go to Holy Mass. What kept me from going was the selfish outlook that I only go if I can receive the Eucharist. I don’t go to Mass to celebrate with the Body of Christ the greatest prayer of the day! Oh, blessed weakness! I have not given all my mind to the Lord.

So, who needs Blessed Mother? I DO!!

Yes, these are just two examples of how awesome my Lent has started (no sarcasm intended). In the past these would have been enough to cause me to forget it was Lent altogether. But, thanks to Communion of Life with Christ through Mary, I am just more convinced of my need for Our Savior, and my need for the Blessed Mother to carry me always. She has helped me see that even my good desires are often a mere reflection of my ego. But, at the same time, She is convincing me that even before I saw this truth God loved me; and, now that I see this truth, His love is all the more amazing to me! It helps me desire to call out to Her more often, so that perhaps She will rescue me before I fall and set my eyes on Her Beloved Son!

If you see your spiritual misery with faith in God’s love, then this truth will not threaten you. If, however, you start to doubt God’s mercy, then newly discovered misery could lead you even to despair. Doubting God’s mercy could provoke you to close the door of your heart before Him, thus directing you to commit even worse sins. But if you try to remember that you are being carried in the arms of Mary, the Mother of Christ, you will be fully open to God’s love. In Her arms, you may be shielded from your faults and unfaithfulness; you may experience peacefulness and even happiness when God reveals the contents of your whitewashed tomb to you in a fuller light.

S.C. Biela, Behold, I Stand at the Door and Knock (Ft. Collins, CO: IAMF, 2005), 28-29.

Entrustment to Mary = Blessed Weaknesses

Being in good physical condition, being in good spirits psychologically, or being in great ‘spiritual condition’ (our own perception) – all this is fleeting. Everything gradually has to be taken away from us some day so that we can cling only to God.

                        S.C. Biela, God Alone Suffices, 3rd. ed. (Ft.Collins, CO: IAMF, 2011), 62

I have a hard time accepting “blessed weaknesses”. God has recently given me a few to contend with. Here’s my list: Carpal Tunnel surgery, trigger thumb, a wart under my big toe, plantar fasciitis, and mole removal requiring stitches. The carpal tunnel surgery went well and alleviated a lot of pain I was having in my arm especially while in bed at night. The trigger thumb was resolved with a cortisone shot. The wart was first frozen then burned out. The plantar fasciitis is still in healing mode, causing me to back off my usual exercise routine. The stitches were removed with the scar not being too hideous and the mole was benign.

These were all small “taps” on the door of my heart to remind me to rely only on God. Yet I have a hard time accepting and thanking Him for these weaknesses. Sure I am appreciative that they were not fatal diseases, but I find it hard to be grateful in moments of suffering. Instead I become annoyed that my routine has been disturbed. Only when the problem has been resolved or injury healed - am I truly grateful.

When explaining this attitude to my spiritual director he used the analogy of comparing God to a doctor who is going to do surgery on me. Do I question the instruments and procedure the doctor will use? Even if I do, most likely I will accept it. I need to look at God as doing surgery on my soul, preparing it for eternal life with Him. I should not question his method or the tools He uses, but should accept it gratefully for the outcome will be the best for me ~ Heaven.

Entrusting myself to the Blessed Mother helps me to be more open to acceptance. She did not question or ask for explanations, but humbly followed God’s plans for her. Together with Blessed Mom, WE can ask for the grace of acceptance and gratefulness of the weaknesses God gives me. Together with Blessed Mom, WE can rely only on God.

God will definitely work miracles in our lives if we allow Him to enter our lives, at least to some extent. The best situations, then from a spiritual sense, are those in which, in the midst of our weakness and powerlessness, we begin to beg for God’s mercy, being convinced that the Creator loves us as we are. Ibid

Entrustment to Mary = Hugs from God

Today I participated in my new parish’s women’s retreat. I had earlier decided to go as a means to meet new people, and to feel connected with this new community.  I was also in need of some quiet time for prayer.  Upon arrival, I was greeted with a gift bag and ushered to a gourmet breakfast.  This mother-of-five was feeling rather pampered after only five minutes!  But I was treated to much, much more as the day progressed.

The theme was “Strength for the Journey” and the program began with heartfelt, deep prayer.  Musicians shared songs inspired by the Holy Spirit, written especially for this retreat.  I was pleasantly surprised that the celebration of the Holy Eucharist had been included in the schedule!  I was given the chance for meditation and personally reflected on my own temptations to be my own strength, rather than relying on God as my Everything.  Living the spirituality of communion of life with Christ through His Blessed Mother, I was touched by women sharing about the significance of Mary being their mother, too.  It was as if God was reassuring me that this was my new home.  I had been comparing this parish to my previous one mercilessly, and now I was finally open to recognizing God’s presence and will that I be at peace here.

But most of all, I was touched deeply by the vulnerability of the guest speakers.  They shared their stories in such detail and openness that I was humbled to my core.  I have not experienced such grief (not even close), and I was absolutely amazed at the strength of God’s grace.  I was reminded of how close God is to me, to each of us.  I was overwhelmed with the awareness of how God loves us each uniquely and with such attention to small details.  I was amazed that, despite the deep pain, the faith of these women was strengthened.  In their weakness, they discovered God’s strength.  They were in need of His grace, His love, His mercy - and He delivers again, and again, and again.  And I sensed their gratitude. 

Being Control Freak, one of my mixed reactions was fear – fear of a similar situation happening in my life.  I know that my faith is not strong.  I want to say, “Lord, let it be done to me according to Thy word,” but I am too weak!  So as I reflect on this more, I turn to the arms of my Mama, and ask her to carry me.  As I prayed I was directed to the following:

….”Because of gratitude, you can begin to perceive the entire world surrounding you as God’s arms embracing you.  Maybe in the light of faith you will see a discreet inscription on the things around you:  “A gift from the Lord God” or “A gift from the Loving Presence.”  …The deeper your gratitude becomes, the more you can begin to hear…how the world around you speaks of Love.  After all, all of God’s gifts that surround you whisper, repeat, and call out:

I love you as you are.  Therefore, I am with you.  I take care of you.  I give you everything that you need every day.  If you need the bitter pill of suffering, then I give it to you, but only because I know that it is the most priceless gift that you may receive at this moment.  When you need a sweet candy you receive it, because without it, My dearest, you cannot manage on your own.

                                    S.C. Biela, The Two Pillars (Ft Collins, CO: IAMF, 2006), 73-74

So in our Blessed Mother’s arms, I am at peace and I am grateful.  I received a lot of sweet candies today…the biggest being the awareness of how intimately God loves you and me.

Entrustment to Mary = Facing Misery in the Light of God's Love

Misery. Such a miserable word.  Avoiding misery was the program of my life. Many want to continue to support me in this program – “Oh, what an awful day! You deserve a glass of wine.” Or “That stinks, let me treat you to a Starbucks!” or “You’re such a good person, don’t feel bad. You didn’t mean it.” Even worse, some “friends” try to convince me that I am “right” when I share how I treated my child, or friend, or co-worker the way I did. They can be so convincing that I can fall right into the trap of it all again – AVOID MISERY!

Is it any wonder Jesus told us “How narrow the gate and constricted the road that leads to life” (Mt 7:14)? Right before this he said “Enter through the narrow gate; for the gate is wide and the road broad that leads to destruction, and those who enter through it are many” (Mt 7:13). Not only do I see that on my own I’d be on the broad road to destruction– but sometimes, I see that without Blessed Mother, I push my dear ones onto this road with my criticism and nagging.

A priest recently shared with me that the devil spends enough time making people feel guilty and emphasizing their sins that we Christians don’t have to do this for one another. It wasn’t soon after this that I began to realize how critical I am with my dearest ones. Every sentence out of my mouth at home seems to be a dagger ready to plunge into the nearest victim. I try to hide it (sometimes) by making a joke about what a kid or my husband hasn’t done, only to hear the response “why are you being so sarcastic?”  My “holy” motivation?  I don’t want my kids or my husband to be miserable of course! I want them to see their huge pride so that they will be weak and rely on Mary. Ha! What a crazy twist in logic. The real truth, however, is that I don’t want their misery to affect me!

So – what am I getting at? Well, it was my misconception that I would “get better” through my entrustment to Mary. I thought it meant I would always be “good.”  No. Entrustment to Mary means I will get to see the truth of who I am…more and more.  But, this is not for nothing! The more I see how miserable I am, the more real God’s love is becoming for me. His love encompasses my misery with His mercy when WE (Mary and me) give it over to Him in confession or at the Holy Eucharist. Each layer of truth Blessed Mother helps me see uncovers a new layer of God’s unconditional love. This is amazing and worth the challenge!

My spiritual friends are the ones who listen to my discovery of misery and then remind me that I am loved as such. Interestingly enough, through the process I see I am not always a friend to myself! I can see my misery and fall to discouragement and lack of trust in God’s mercy. But, over the years, and thanks to the grace of a wise spiritual director, I am starting to be a true friend to myself. I attribute that to Blessed Mother’s work. She, in me and for me, reminds me of God’s love and mercy. Thanks MOM! Now, with Her grace, I pray that WE will follow this lead and WE will love my dear ones as they are...miserable, like me.

“I believe that I am deeply and personally loved by the Triune God with the whole truth about me, and

that, because I am a person of a little faith and weak love, Jesus entrusted me to His Mother at the hour of His death in the person of Saint John the Apostle, who represents all of us, thus showing His particular fondness for me, His most beloved child.” – Paragraph 1. of the Creed of the Families of Nazareth Movement, USA

Entrustment to Mary = Joy On The Journey

Right now I am in the middle of the winter blues. The excitement of the holiday season has come to a close and our weather has been bitter cold [subzero temps]. The gray days have me in a gray mood. When I reflect on what Our Lady of Guadalupe said to Juan Diego: “Am I not here, I who am your mother? Are you not under my shadow and protection? Am I not the source of your joy?”  - I have to stand in the truth and answer her “no”.  Actually she leads me to the only source of true joy, but I seek false joys.

I seek a joy that comes from losing a pound on the scale - which has not been happening lately as I have an injury so I am off exercise but not off the over consumption of sweets I started at Christmas time. I seek the joy of a good hair day, which rarely occurs so I begin my day in a funk. I seek the joy of being esteemed by my husband and boss, which certainly does not happen routinely to produce daily happiness. I seek the joy the world tempts me with- beauty, praise, and monetary security. But God knows better – He knows how easily I would forget about Him if I were to get lost in these material idols.

There is human peace and human happiness, both of which are short-lived and temporary. On the other hand, there is Christ’s peace and Christ’s happiness, which are born in us as a permanent reality when based on faith. What is this human peace and human happiness? It is something we obtain from people. We obtain it as though it were given to us out of pity from another person. In other words, looking for this kind of peace and happiness is like begging for scraps. These small bits of human esteem, a hint of praise, a compliment or someone’s positive perception of us, are simply scraps on which we want to build our peace. Sometimes a person manages to get what he wants; he gains others’ esteem or becomes successful, and gains this common human scrap that gives him some satisfaction. This is the human peace, begged for, which the world gives. But how fleeting this peace is! It does not take much for our human peace to dissipate and for our happiness to vanish. It is enough that someone is rude to us, is vindictive, or gives us a suspicious glance. There is no longer peace within us because the scraps we begged for are taken from us.

The peace of Christ comes as a result of your choosing him. This basic choice, which is called the fundamental option, is the most important one. Is Christ really of the greatest value to you? He redeemed you on the Cross and was raised, giving you the opportunity to gain true peace and true happiness. This kind of peace evoking permanent joy is within your grasp, thanks to the sacrifice on the Cross and the resurrection. You, however, must make a choice. You have to choose Christ with his peace by taking advantage of the fruits of the Cross and the resurrection. This should be a process of your acceptance of Christ. You cannot choose peace and happiness if you have not chosen Christ. However, he himself helps you with this choice by taking away whatever hampers and enslaves you. He overthrows your idols. When you accept that, then this will be your choice your declaration for peace, happiness, and freedom. It will be the choice made by your faith.

Tadeusz Dajczer, The Gift of Faith, 3rd. ed. (Ft. Collins, CO: IAMF, 2012), 129-132

I do not always choose Christ as my greatest value, and this is what causes my sadness. Christ knew I would not always walk His way, so from the Cross He asked his mother to take care of me (cf John 19:26), and she accepted this entrustment and will always be faithful to it. And that truth is my hope for eternal joy!

Entrustment to Mary = Being Loved When the Pot Calls the Kettle Black

Over the holidays, my husband and children and I traveled to spend some time with my parents and our extended family.  We were staying there for New Year’s and I asked my mom about the celebration of Mass on New Year’s Day, the Feast of the Solemnity of Mary, the Mother of God.  Ever since living the spirituality of communion of life with Christ through Mary, I have enjoyed celebrating this Feast more than before.  My mom explained that there was only one Mass offered at her parish, as the Diocese was temporarily waiving the requirement for Catholics to attend Mass on this day.  I recall expressing my disappointment over this waiver, as I thought Mass would be a great way to start off the New Year, not only for myself, but for the whole Church.  I did not understand the purpose of the waiver, and thought of it as permission to ignore this holiest of days.  I agreed it would be somewhat of a challenge to get up that morning, the day after New Year’s Eve, but asked my mom to wake me in time to rally everyone to get ready on time.

Well, little did I know that my previous sore throat would turn into a full-blown head cold AND my little daughter would come to me in the middle of the night, burning up with fever and a croupy cough.  By the time my mother woke me, I could barely open my own eyes, let alone wake 5 young children and a husband.

My mom must have recognized this, because she suggested that she and my dad go to Mass and pray for all of us.  She asked me what my kids’ favorite types of doughnuts were and off she went.  As I laid my head back down, I couldn’t help but see the irony in the situation.  Here I had been, critical in my judgment about the waiver of the obligation, and now I was benefiting from that very waiver.  It turned out to have been a rough night for my husband dealing with our infant son, and so even though one of us technically could have rallied for Mass with our healthy children, it was a gift also to rest and recover from our difficult night without worrying about the obligation. 

As I sit and reflect, I see a few things about myself.  I see an obsession for following the letter of the law and a need to celebrate the spirit of the law.  I see judgmental tendencies, rather than distrusting my own human thinking and trusting in God’s all-knowing plans.  I can picture Him gently smiling at me while I criticized away, knowing all along that I would be missing Mass the very next day.  I see how I was unknowingly judging myself, as I turned out to be in that category of people who would not attend Mass on this Feast Day!    I see how I know nothing.   I am so quick to only see situations from my own perspective, somehow convinced my mind and heart have been so well-formed to know what is best.  What arrogance! Yikes!  And yet – this is whom God loves. I will tell you that I was humbled that morning, and yet so very loved.  My parents came home from Mass, cooked up a hot breakfast, surprised my kids with their favorite doughnuts, and shared the readings and homily of the morning.  God loves each of us, gently and uniquely.  As for my weakness, I am comforted by these words:

In the light of faith, try to look at your own imperfections in such a way that you are not saddened by them:  Christ accepts you as you are.  You can go to Him with all your imperfections and weaknesses.  He will repair what you have done wrong and complete all that you lack….

…One should not “become discouraged over one’s faults,” said [St. Therese of Lisieux], “for children fall often, but they are too little to hurt themselves very much.”  Therese of Lisieux truly liked to entrust her faults and infidelities to Jesus.  She said that, in this way, she wanted to attract His mercy, since He came to sinners and not to the righteous.  How important all this is to us who are saddened by our falls.

Tadeusz Dajczer, The Gift of Faith, 3^rd ed. (Ft. Collins, CO:  IAMF, 2012), 81, 82

Entrustment to Mary = Being Loved As Grumpy

Our family got a gym membership for Christmas. Our children are involved in sports and we live in a cold climate so it made sense to offer them an opportunity to get their exercise and practice in a gym since our driveway is covered in ice. What about me? Well, I am not the exercising type. I can sit for long periods of time without getting antsy. I give myself lots of excuses about what I cannot do instead of keeping the positive perspective of what I can do. I desire to be athletic, but ...

One day a week the gym has open court for playing volleyball. My husband and kids really like it. I soon realized that to please them, I should at least attempt to play. The day came and I found myself to be a total grump! I was in no mood to do anything with anyone and it was the day after Christmas so my stomach had its own workout consuming an obscene amount of goodies. It was impossible! The mood was so consuming that I felt utterly defenseless. By the grace of GOD, I made it to Holy Mass at 5:15 pm. I was even grumpy that my husband joined me! (Now, understand, I usually am thrilled  that he would be interested in something spiritual. That just reveals how HUGE of a grump I'm talking about!)

I found myself in a battle at church again. Tears were streaming down my face. I was capable of realizing that there was no reason for my mood – I couldn’t blame anyone. I wanted to say it had something to do with the fact that it was shortly after my father’s birthday – the first one since his death. But inside of me I knew that this was a stretch, and that even if that was true, it gave me no rights to be grumpy with my husband and children.

No. This situation was an opportunity given to me as grace and I didn’t want anything to do with it. I sat defeated in the pew – but not in discouragement. Instead, I was reminded that I was loved, even when grumpy. I was reminded to rely on MOM (Blessed Mother).  I began to beg for her comfort and help. Miraculously, I began to pray for a good mood as a gift to my husband and children. It was the first time I wasn’t asking for this gift for “me.” Normally I want to do better so that I am better in my own eyes – so that I am not humiliated. This time, WE (Mary and me) relied on the truth about my weakness, and my self-absorption and asked for the gift of charity. Wow. The results were amazing.  I made it to the gym after dinner and played 5 games of volleyball – laughing and sweating and making lots of errors, and having fun. On the drive home it hit me - my prayers were answered. While playing volleyball, I had forgotten that I specifically prayed for that grace. 

One of the images given to me to help me realize just how in need I am of Mary’s arms was to think of myself as a person without arms and legs in the spiritual life. It helps me remember just how desperate I am in fighting my pride on my own. Can a person without arms/legs run a marathon? Well, the spiritual life can often seem like a marathon to the soul. It takes a lot of effort to work on virtues such as patience, love my neighbor as myself, hope, charity! My soul fights against these things. I have the desire to be loving, similarly to my desire to be athletic. I just don't have the will for it. That is exactly why I am entrusted to Blessed Mother. I am so grateful for this way, for MOM's arms.

"Nothing is impossible for someone who remains before God with a spiritually childlike attitude. The building of communion of life with Mary will become your way to sanctification." (S.C. Biela, In The Arms of Mary, 2nd. ed, rev. (Ft.Collins, CO: IAMF, 2005), 165.)