Entrustment to Mary = Learning to See with the Eyes of Faith

As I mentioned in a previous blog, I believe that when we die we will get our new eyes from which we see Jesus; we see Mary; we see the truth about ourselves in the Light of God’s mercy.  Meanwhile, before our death, we have the opportunity to grow in faith to such a degree we can begin to see God’s action in our lives as if we had those new eyes already. It is a road, and I believe it is my road with Blessed Mother that is helping me to see things through the eyes of faith.

Today we had the reading from the book of Job. Our pastor reminded us about the story of Job. How he was an example for us of what it means to persevere in the midst of trials. The timing of this reading was amazing to me because in my life I see nothing but crazy trials being given to my dear ones. Things I couldn’t imagine happening are now happening in the lives of those nearest and dear to me. A priest friend often reminds me not to ask “why?” when confronted with these trials, but rather to ask “what for?” Job must have wondered, “What for, LORD?” And the answer was given to us in the Scriptures – he was given the trials to be an example for us that GOD alone is GOD and GOD alone suffices.

I find myself asking, what does that look like in my life? 

For example:  I came home from a vacation a few weeks ago on the day of my child’s birthday. I wanted to celebrate with him, so my husband and I picked up cake and ice-cream on the way home from the airport. We were in good moods, ready to surprise him. When I arrived home, however, I discovered dirty counters and dishes that were there when I had left 5 days before. My spirit of joy quickly turned into a spirit of resentment. I wasn’t able to keep from verbally attacking my birthday boy when he walked into the house after us. Were my reprimands so important that I needed to spoil the birthday celebration? My husband didn’t think so! By focusing on my own feelings, I allowed that negative spirit to spill onto everyone in the house.

The next day, the counter was still a mess and I was still upset. Even though I had taken my resentments to the altar at Mass that morning, I wasn’t able to control my reactions when I saw my son again. Only this time, I allowed my assumptions to come out – I made a huge generalization and said “you did nothing while we were gone!” Oh, my, my, my…I fell right into the trap! Now, I forced my son to share how he spent an entire afternoon doing laundry from a fruit fly infestation in the bathroom hamper. He had done something – and he hadn’t wanted to complain about it – but my pressing and pressing pushed his pride into desiring rescue.

What for, Lord?

This simple trial got me to remember I am not GOD and I cannot rely on anyone other than GOD. 

Who am I? Figuratively, I am the Ebola virus, ready to destroy all spiritual good GOD gives me. But, more importantly, who is Mary? Mary is the direct action of GOD in my life. She is holding me exactly because I am full of pride, lack trust, and, if left on my own, would never learn from my past mistakes. Before my entrustment, I would have justified my resentments and my reactions, and I would have solicited the same support from my husband and friends – thereby keeping myself at a distance from God’s mercy and, in a way, diminishing the spiritual lives of my dear ones. Since entrustment, I see the whole thing differently. I see that GOD allowed this event. Unlike Job, I do not persevere in faith; I am quick to fail when presented with adversity. I am not shown this to become discouraged, though, but rather to make use of this very weakness. When I use my weakness to climb back into the arms of Blessed Mother, She can obtain from God the transformation of my spiritual misery into a happy fault. She is able to immerse me once again in the Redemption of my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. And when I beg for repair, She is the figurative antiviral drug, obtaining the graces to heal all my (and Her) dear ones I wound along the way.

A child of God being led by Mary is certain that God loves him in spite of the abyss of one’s evil. He believes that the abyss of God’s Love exceeds in an infinite way even the deepest abyss of human nothingness and of sin. (S.C. Biela, In The Arms of Mary, 2nd. ed, rev. [Ft.Collins, CO: IAMF, 2005], 162.)

Entrustment to Mary = A Joyful Home

Over the weekend, my son was invited to enjoy the afternoon and spend the night with his cousin.  When he returned the next day, he shared about all the fun activities and yummy food that they enjoyed, and I was happy he had a good time with his relatives. That is, until he hinted that he would prefer living at their house, with them, over our home, and us.  Ouch.  Now, before you might think badly of my son, know that his Control Freak of a mother encouraged him to be open with his feelings.  I knew as I was asking him that I was also asking for trouble, and for a quick wounding of my ego.  Sure enough, even though I understood what he was saying and why he was saying it, I wanted to rescue my pride.  I wanted to (and did, to some degree) rationalize to myself and to him why their home environment might appear to be better, but that the grass wasn’t necessarily greener. 

The truth, though, was that I had been praying for more peace and joy in our home for a long while.  The noise and chaos drives me crazy, and because I am so darn responsible, all the activities and school projects stress me out.  I am so overwhelmed that my temper is short and often times I unfairly lash out at my son.  OR hold too high of expectations.  OR micro-manage his schoolwork.  OR nag him about how inefficiently he does his chores.  Of course he enjoyed the laid back personalities of his aunt and uncle!  Yes, I can rationalize to myself that they might have been trying their best to make sure he enjoyed himself, but perhaps not.  Perhaps they are like that all the time.  It doesn’t really matter, because if I stand in truth, I know God is asking me to allow more of HIM and His joy in our home.  I must beg Blessed Mother, Queen of Peace, to reign in our home. 

Now, in my mind I want to be strong and organized, while remaining gentle and loving and present to my loved ones.  But according to my track record and my awareness of my personality, this doesn’t work.  I am always so tempted to rely on my own strength (which is non-existent) rather than allow the One to live in me and through me.

So as we celebrate this third Sunday of Advent, I am reminded of the pink candle – JOY!

    Christian faith most fully expresses itself in the joy of discovering the personal love of God, which you can depend on and to which you can entrust yourself.  Faith experienced in this way eradicates the attitude of the dramatic fatalism toward one’s own evil, which our contrition can change into a “happy fault.”  Christian joy flowing from faith is like a stream of God’s love.  It is faith that tells you to smile at God, to be joyful in His love.  Then you should look at yourself, whom you take much too seriously, from a certain distance and with a humorous perspective.  The virtue of humor lets you defeat the poison of sadness with which Satan tries to permeate your soul.  This virtue of humor causes you to stop worrying about yourself and allows you to live a life of joy flowing from faith. (Tadeusz Dajzcer, The Gift of Faith, 3rd ed. (Ft. Collins, CO: IAMF, 2012), 99-100).

So if I read that right, I can ask Blessed Mother to be contrite with me and for me, and allow her to rescue me from my sadness over my temper with my children.  I will not be a perfect mother, but I can bless my children by being a channel of grace and of the pure love of their Heavenly Mother by allowing her to carry me.  I can trust that God, in His infinite wisdom, has paired my soul with the particular souls of each of my children for our greatest good.  Yes, this is reason for joy.  The fact that I am being reminded over and over how very much God loves me as I am is cause for great joy.  So I am grateful for the conversation with my son, as it allowed me to stand in truth and be reminded of how very much I need God.  I am reminded that I must fall to my knees with empty hands and simply ask for the grace to respond to His Love (in the arms of Our mother, of course!).  

Entrustment to Mary = Being Convinced...

God Loves Me All the Way!

I hit my sister because I was mad.

God loves me anyway.

I popped my brother’s balloon; that was bad.

God loves me anyway.

I teased my sister and she told dad.

He said God loves me anyway.

I told Angela “You’re the worst friend I ever had!”

God loves me anyway?

A man at the store told me “you are an awful little lad!”

God loves me anyway.

I poked and poked and now my uncle is mad.

God loves him anyway.

My sister always follows the latest fad.

God loves her anyway.

I broke,

I poked,

I choked,

Do you think these things make God mad?

Mom said, “Perhaps. These things could make God mad.

But, God loves you this way.”

I bit,

I hit,

I spit,

Do you think these things make God glad?

Dad said, “No, these things do not make God glad.

But, God loves you this way.”

I lied,

I spied,

I cried,

Do you think these things make God sad?

The priest said, “Yes, all these things make God sad.

And, God loves you this way.”

Every night I have more and more to add…

Thank you God, for loving me

all the way!![1]

---

[1] “Everything that you experience is linked to the love of God who loves you, and to His desire for your good. He is present in your life no matter what you do. Time is a sacrament of your meeting with God and his mercy, with his love for you and his desire that everything work toward your good. Then every fault becomes a “happy fault” (felix culpa). If you looked at every moment of your life in this way, then spontaneous prayer would be born within you. It would be a continuous prayer since the Lord is always with you and always loves you. Every moment of your life would be permeated with the love of the Presence that always encompasses you.”  Tadeusz Dajczer, The Gift of Faith, 3rd. ed. (Ft. Collins, CO: IAMF, 2012), 7.