Entrustment to Mary = Choosing the Humble Means

After I shared with my spiritual director my ideas of fasting, prayer, and almsgiving for the next 40 days, he suggested I reread the chapter in The Gift of Faith on humble means. He proposed that I “fast” from my pedestal – meaning my desire to be acknowledged, admired, and esteemed. {And I thought candy, cookies, and chips would be hard to give up!} He recommended I go to my adoration time in the arms of the Blessed Mother, and keep the posture of the tax collector not the Pharisee during the 10 minutes I had decided I could try to allot each day. He didn’t specifically address my idea of thoroughly cleaning my house during Lent, but I am guessing that would go under fasting from my pedestal; for knowing my personality, if I end Lent with a clean sparkling home, I am sure I will take all the credit and bask in the glory of a job well done.

What I appreciate about the spirituality of communion with Christ through the Blessed Mother is how it has helped me see how selfish I have been when deciding on what to do for Lent. For example, I like giving up sweets so I can lose a few pounds. The spirituality has also helped me release my narrow perception that fasting is only from food, praying means only rosaries, and almsgiving is only donating to an organization in need. I now realize charitable giving can mean more than dollars donated. It can mean giving a "smile" to a coworker who is having a bad day. Or offering my “time” to listen to a patient explain their ailments. Praying can be continuous, all-day-long, short ejaculations of praise or petitions for souls in need or just a grateful look to heaven for God’s generous bestowals. These are the humble means that cannot be measured and most times not seen so as to gain recognition from others.

I have also learned that before starting any Lenten sacrifices I must first stand in the truth and admit I cannot do them on my own, but only with God’s grace and through my entrustment to the Blessed Mother may I try. And most importantly, God loves me even if I fail.

 

                                               Rich Means vs. Humble Means

Jacques Maritain divides temporal means that may be used for spiritual ends into two categories: rich temporal means and humble temporal means. Those means which are visible and can be statistically analyzed Maritain calls rich means. They are tangible things like organizations, meetings, marches, church architecture and decoration, audio-visual and mass media. A characteristic trait of rich means is their influence on one’s self-love because their effects and results are apparent. This has the danger of our claiming these results and our own and, as a result, adopting an attitude of triumph.

Humble means are marked with the stigma of the Cross and express one of the most profound truths in the Gospel: “Unless a grain of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains just a grain of wheat; but if it dies, it produces much fruit” (Jn 12:24). In humble means, a true paradox of the dynamism of faith can be observed: the poorer they are – that is, the more destitute, the more insignificant in themselves, and the less visible – the more efficacious they are. As opposed to rich means, these humble means are not dependent on tangible success, and they do not have any internal need for temporal success. Humble means is the acceptance of suffering out of love for God. You encounter such means when your knees hurt during prayer, when you deny yourself something, when you question who you are and, at times, live in great calmness, silence, and contemplation. Nothing much is known about these things; they are invisible means. They cannot be measured by any sociological statistics. However, these are the humble means that, in the light of faith, prove to be the deciding factor in the fate of the world.

Tadeusz Dajczer, The Gift of Faith, 3rd. ed. (Ft. Collins, CO: IAMF, 2012), 147-148,150.

Entrustment to Mary = Graces Attached To Obedience

Two weeks ago when Holy Father Francis asked us to fast for peace in Syria and the world, it threw me into a tailspin. I have already disclosed my detestation of fasting in previous blog posts [1].Although, the Holy Father did not mention how to do the fast, a priest friend suggested bread and water. Once again I rebelled in my mind remembering how it used to be when I did that type of fasting over 15 years ago. [cf. Blog Fasting During Lent] My mind started reeling with ideas of how I could survive this fasting day rather than looking at it as an opportunity to offer up my hunger for the perilous condition of the world.

 

I am seeing that the more I refrain from fasting the worse I dislike and fear it. I have gone from bread & water - to no sweets - to choosing what type of ice-cream I like least as my method of fasting on Wednesdays and Fridays.

 

Once I stood in the truth, I discovered my fear and unrest came from not wanting to be obedient to the Magisterium and thus closing myself off from the graces that come from that obedience. Instead of embracing the Holy Father’s proclamation and my priest friend’s suggestion, I quickly tried to change the recommendations. I contemplated doing bread and water for breakfast and lunch, then eating a regular meatless dinner, so sort of making it a combination with the Good Friday type of fast, which I felt would be easier. I turned the whole event around to being about “me” not about the suffering humanity. I saw how consumed I am with my routine, my comforts, my love for food, and how adverse I am to going without and being told what to do. I saw just how high of a pedestal I was climbing.

 

I also realized I had closed myself off from the graces that come with my entrustment to the Blessed Mother for I thought I had to fast relying on my own will power and strength. My fear came from my past struggles/failures when I tried fasting on my own.

 

Finally, once I succumbed to the Holy Father’s request, and entrusted my fasting to the Blessed Mother there was peace. Yes, I was hungry and weak, but also calm and content. This experience truly showed me how much grace is attached to obedience. Little did I know that the Holy Father’s announcement of fasting would lead me to fasting from my good impression about myself by seeing who I truly am when closed to God’s graces.  Yet this spirituality has taught me to be joyful when being purified and humbled as it helps me turn back my focus onto my merciful Lord. And in reality this was such a gentle experience allowed by a God who loves me so completely.

 

“On your path to God, do not be surprised that you discover your own misery and nothingness more clearly. You should receive these revelations with joy. For, if you were perfect, then you would not need God. Only the person who experiences his own misery can turn his heart away from himself toward the Lord, who is knocking.”

S.C. Biela, Open Wide the Door to Christ, (Ft.Collins, CO: IAMF, 2005), 42.

 

[1] Previous Bog Posts - Entrustment to Mary = Fasting During Lent

                                        Entrustment to Mary = Facing My Sugar Addiction.

     

Entrustment To Mary = Desiring To Fight My Addiction (To Facebook)

I've been dealing with the desire to give up Facebook. I say "dealing" because as much as I'd like to, it seems like it would be the hardest thing ever and I'm actually a little afraid to do so. Even though I gave it up for lent, and thoroughly enjoyed not being on all the time. And the first two weeks after moving we had no Internet at our apartment or even data on our phones - meaning I was only on Facebook when I went to a coffee shop; it was great! I tried to come up with certain days or times that I would allow myself on, but that was more of an idea rather than a plan of action. I have no self-discipline and just can't stay off of it. I don't like wanting to get on when my son is awake and watching me. I don't like comparing myself to others on FB or getting annoyed with what people post. I don't like rushing back from a walk or outing so that I can check what’s new on FB. I'm actually addicted to it! Now don't get me wrong I do appreciate a way to stay in touch with people but right now I feel that the negativity it brings into my life outweighs the positive. I've been praying for the grace to give it up but didn't feel like I was getting anywhere, if anything the nagging feeling had started to go away, until this past week.

I recently found out that my uncle is fasting from chocolate, and offering it up for our president's conversion. I was so impressed with his self-sacrifice and thought I should do something of that sort too. But I have to admit that self-sacrifice isn’t easy for me. I don’t like saying no to myself or feeling uncomfortable. I mean if it was easy for me I’d already be done with Facebook!

Then Pope Francis asked for a day of prayer and fasting last Saturday for peace in Syria and around the world. My first reaction was “Ugh, I don’t want to fast on Saturday!” But I was reminded that God loves me as I am - whether I fast all day, or part of the day or not at all. I was also reminded that I can’t do it on my own. I’ve been so wrapped up in thinking that I have to do it and forgetting that the Blessed Mother is there to help me. Saturday came, I asked for the Blessed Mother’s help and the day of fasting wasn’t so bad. The reason I couldn’t give up FB before is because I was trying to do it all by myself. Even though I was praying for the grace, I wasn’t really asking for help but just expecting instantaneous results.

Now with the Blessed Mother, WE are fasting from Facebook, and remembering God always loves me even if I fall back to my addiction or begin a new one.

"God loves you precisely as you are: as someone attached to your idols, as someone who lives as if He does not exist, and as someone who turns even that which you do because of His will against Him. He never stops loving you even though you continuously reject Him and wound Him by turning your heart away from Him and by seeking reliance in your own riches."

S.C. Biela, Open Wide theDoor to Christ, (Ft.Collins, CO: IAMF, 2005), 101.

Entrustment to Mary = Fasting During Lent

“In your struggle against sin you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding blood.” Hebrews 12:4

I think about this scripture verse frequently during the holy season of Lent. It reminds me of how weak I am when it comes to fasting. For example I do not give up all treats, just my most favorite ones = candy, cookies, and chips. Well soon enough I am replacing these with nuts, sweetened cereal, and popcorn.

Over 15 years ago I went on a pilgrimage to Medjugorje and started the recommended bread and water fasts on Wednesdays and Fridays. The “better” I was in doing the fast the “meaner” I became to my family. During that time I had small children at home, and I was quite the opposite example of a Christian mother on those two days. My hunger had me out of humor and patience. Instead of retreating to prayer begging for emotional strength, I escaped to my bed to sleep away the hours so the fast’s end would come sooner. I was trying to fast all on my own power. 

It was God’s saving grace that led me to the spirituality of the Communion of Life with Christ through Mary. One of the truths I learned is that I cannot fast on my own. It is only God’s grace that sustains my fasting during Lent. When I forget this truth, is when I fall into temptation of thinking I am greater than God. I also have learned that failing at fasting is “ok”. It shows me who I am not, and who God is. It brings to light the words of Jesus who said: “...without me you can do nothing” (Jn 15:5). My pride doesn’t always like this truth, but that is from years of believing that some day on my own I will be perfect in the spiritual life.

With this spirituality and being in Blessed Mom’s arms I am releasing this illusion of perfection. What I must not forget is that even though I am a small “nothing” compared to God, He still wants me to rely on His grace and to desire to follow His will. He also asks me through the Church to try to offer the sacrifices and fasting during Lent, but doing so knowing that He loves me - even when I fail.

Our powerlessness and sense of total dependence on our Creator in all areas of our lives should become a norm for us – when we are completely permeated by the words of Jesus who said: “without me you can do nothing” (Jn 15:5). Nothing – this means not even the smallest thing.                       S.C. Biela, God Alone Suffices, 3rd. ed. (Ft.Collins, CO: IAMF, 2011), 62-63.