I've been dealing with the desire to give up Facebook. I say "dealing" because as much as I'd like to, it seems like it would be the hardest thing ever and I'm actually a little afraid to do so. Even though I gave it up for lent, and thoroughly enjoyed not being on all the time. And the first two weeks after moving we had no Internet at our apartment or even data on our phones - meaning I was only on Facebook when I went to a coffee shop; it was great! I tried to come up with certain days or times that I would allow myself on, but that was more of an idea rather than a plan of action. I have no self-discipline and just can't stay off of it. I don't like wanting to get on when my son is awake and watching me. I don't like comparing myself to others on FB or getting annoyed with what people post. I don't like rushing back from a walk or outing so that I can check what’s new on FB. I'm actually addicted to it! Now don't get me wrong I do appreciate a way to stay in touch with people but right now I feel that the negativity it brings into my life outweighs the positive. I've been praying for the grace to give it up but didn't feel like I was getting anywhere, if anything the nagging feeling had started to go away, until this past week.
I recently found out that my uncle is fasting from chocolate, and offering it up for our president's conversion. I was so impressed with his self-sacrifice and thought I should do something of that sort too. But I have to admit that self-sacrifice isn’t easy for me. I don’t like saying no to myself or feeling uncomfortable. I mean if it was easy for me I’d already be done with Facebook!
Then Pope Francis asked for a day of prayer and fasting last Saturday for peace in Syria and around the world. My first reaction was “Ugh, I don’t want to fast on Saturday!” But I was reminded that God loves me as I am - whether I fast all day, or part of the day or not at all. I was also reminded that I can’t do it on my own. I’ve been so wrapped up in thinking that I have to do it and forgetting that the Blessed Mother is there to help me. Saturday came, I asked for the Blessed Mother’s help and the day of fasting wasn’t so bad. The reason I couldn’t give up FB before is because I was trying to do it all by myself. Even though I was praying for the grace, I wasn’t really asking for help but just expecting instantaneous results.
Now with the Blessed Mother, WE are fasting from Facebook, and remembering God always loves me even if I fall back to my addiction or begin a new one.
"God loves you precisely as you are: as someone attached to your idols, as someone who lives as if He does not exist, and as someone who turns even that which you do because of His will against Him. He never stops loving you even though you continuously reject Him and wound Him by turning your heart away from Him and by seeking reliance in your own riches."
S.C. Biela, Open Wide theDoor to Christ, (Ft.Collins, CO: IAMF, 2005), 101.