Entrustment to Mary = Following Pope Francis' Lead

Lately I have been more than a bit overwhelmed.  It is a busy time of year for me, with taxes due and continuing education to complete.  I have visitors to arrive in a few weeks, and the kids’ activities have me driving here, there and every which way.  Homework, projects, religion classes, baseball season, constant laundry, ailing relatives who need attention and care, not to mention a toddler who loves to climb but has no balance!  I have found myself frustrated at my children, who seem to be bickering constantly.  However, when I stop and reflect, I have only myself to blame.  I have heard so many times that the mother in the household has a lot to do with the overall mood of the home.  The more tense and loud the house becomes, the more I want to flee!  But I often yell instead, perpetuating the problems. Yikes! 

For Lent I had desired a renewed prayer life, one of daily meditation specifically. I was hoping for 30 minutes daily, but would be pleasantly surprised with 15-20.  Right now, I am lucky if I make 5-10 minutes.  I know that prayer is my only rescue, and yet I find myself resisting to just stopping. Just stop and pray. I am frantically trying to catch up, and feel if I stop, I just might not get back up. Or I always push it for later when things are settled down in my household (but by then I am just praying myself to sleep!). 

Yesterday, I watched the election and announcement of our new Holy Father.  It seemed I was waiting forever for him to come out and make his appearance.  But I was deeply moved by the reason for the delay.  I read that our new Pope Francis had stopped in the Pauline chapel to pray alone before greeting the people.  That single fact was most significant to me.  This man was humble enough to realize the weight of the vocation that lay before him.  At that moment, I had such HOPE for our Church and Catholic faith.  I was so excited to see our leader, our Father, turn to the Head of our Church for guidance.  He was allowing himself to be an instrument of God’s wisdom and grace right from the start!   Today it hit me that there must be a mile-long list of tasks, activities, responsibilities he will now face.  How will he ever be able to do anything? My own list seems pale in comparison.  And so I was reminded today to follow Pope Francis’ lead:  prayer!  I recall one of my favorite sections in “The Gift of Faith” by Fr. Tadeusz Dajczer:

If you look at yourself in the light of faith, you will understand that the more suppressed you are with activities, the more time you should dedicate to prayer.  Otherwise you will be empty; you will have the impression that you are giving something, but this will only be an illusion.  You cannot give what you do not have. …  In the light of faith, the most important activity in our day is prayer…Contact with God determines the value and importance of our work….One thing is certain:  if we do not pray, no one will need us.  The world does not need empty souls and hearts.

Tadeusz Dajczer, The Gift of Faith, 3rd. ed. (Ft. Collins, CO: IAMF, 2012), 225-226, 227

Blessed Mama, I beg you to share with me your desire for prayer.  I pray for our new Pope Francis – may he continue to turn to prayer and humbly lead the Church in the ways of your Son, Who was the ultimate example in retreating in prayer and solitude while here on earth.  Thank you, God, for loving me so, so much and for Your continuous invitation to unite myself to You in prayer.   

Entrustment to Mary = Seeing the Lesson in Potty Training

The Little One turned 4 years old a couple of weeks ago. She still wasn't potty trained and the siblings were getting pretty anxious about it. We had been dealing with the Little One’s extremely strong will for over a year on the issue. We tried a lot of logical book learned techniques and used the proper language. It didn't seem to help. One suggestion found on the Internet was to completely give up talking about it and wait until it came from her. It said that her need for independence was overcoming her ability to accept the idea if it was “our idea”. So, I went with this theory and shut up.

She turned 4 and nothing improved. I was still changing diapers. I was also going through a trial of faith with some health issues, which had my resistance down. My irritability levels were high and my patience levels were low. My weaknesses in all areas of life were shining brightly for not only me to see…but my whole household.

It was in this “hour of darkness” when the “miracle” took place.  It was morning and we headed upstairs to change her diaper. Ugh, I thought. We were out of diapers. I simply showed the Little One the empty bag. Her response? “It’s okay Mommy, I’ll wear underwear.” She knew where it was kept, picked a pair out, and put it on.  Of course I was thrilled, but skeptical just the same since we’ve gone down that road before. The real test was getting her to go in the potty!

As anticipated, she refused to go and held it for the rest of the morning, into the afternoon, through her dance class. When she refused to sit on the potty there, I was rushing home praying we could get there in time before an accident. And, we did. She made it and she went in the potty! The look of delight on her face as she practically screamed “Mommy! I’m a big girl now!”

Why am I sharing this story? Because it occurred to me that a person’s conversion can happen in an instant! I faith share with so many people and we spend hours, days, weeks, years worrying about the conversion of our children, nieces, nephews, husbands, wives, parents, siblings, friends…but we so often forget that conversion can come in a moment--just like how it happened for the Good Thief. That “moment” may not happen according to our plans, but when we put our trust in the GOD who IS, we can trust and have faith that it WILL happen. And, when we struggle with that kind of trust and/or faith…we can give it to Blessed Mother and beg Her to have the trust and faith in us and for us to move the mountains!

“You should assume an attitude of contrition and gratitude, especially in your relationships with others. Do you want to be a channel of grace for others? If so, then acknowledge that you are who is not. Contritely acknowledge your evil and be grateful for every grace that you experience. Then God will be able to pour out the most priceless of His gifts through you.” S.C. Biela, The Two Pillars, (Ft.Collins, CO: IAMF, 2006), 85.

Entrustment to Mary = Fasting During Lent

“In your struggle against sin you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding blood.” Hebrews 12:4

I think about this scripture verse frequently during the holy season of Lent. It reminds me of how weak I am when it comes to fasting. For example I do not give up all treats, just my most favorite ones = candy, cookies, and chips. Well soon enough I am replacing these with nuts, sweetened cereal, and popcorn.

Over 15 years ago I went on a pilgrimage to Medjugorje and started the recommended bread and water fasts on Wednesdays and Fridays. The “better” I was in doing the fast the “meaner” I became to my family. During that time I had small children at home, and I was quite the opposite example of a Christian mother on those two days. My hunger had me out of humor and patience. Instead of retreating to prayer begging for emotional strength, I escaped to my bed to sleep away the hours so the fast’s end would come sooner. I was trying to fast all on my own power. 

It was God’s saving grace that led me to the spirituality of the Communion of Life with Christ through Mary. One of the truths I learned is that I cannot fast on my own. It is only God’s grace that sustains my fasting during Lent. When I forget this truth, is when I fall into temptation of thinking I am greater than God. I also have learned that failing at fasting is “ok”. It shows me who I am not, and who God is. It brings to light the words of Jesus who said: “...without me you can do nothing” (Jn 15:5). My pride doesn’t always like this truth, but that is from years of believing that some day on my own I will be perfect in the spiritual life.

With this spirituality and being in Blessed Mom’s arms I am releasing this illusion of perfection. What I must not forget is that even though I am a small “nothing” compared to God, He still wants me to rely on His grace and to desire to follow His will. He also asks me through the Church to try to offer the sacrifices and fasting during Lent, but doing so knowing that He loves me - even when I fail.

Our powerlessness and sense of total dependence on our Creator in all areas of our lives should become a norm for us – when we are completely permeated by the words of Jesus who said: “without me you can do nothing” (Jn 15:5). Nothing – this means not even the smallest thing.                       S.C. Biela, God Alone Suffices, 3rd. ed. (Ft.Collins, CO: IAMF, 2011), 62-63.

Entrustment to Mary = Home-Schooling with Blessed Mother

As I have mentioned in a past blogpost, our family moved to a new city, resulting in a new home, new parish, and new schools for the kids.  This is my first experience with public schools, and I have been supplementing with home-schooling resources for religion classes for each of my older children.  I had visions of pleasantly sitting down with each child 4-5 times per week, making sure they were not missing the benefits of Catholic school as much as possible.

Well, 4-5 times per week is not exactly going as planned.  Multiply by 3 children and that is 12-15 times per week that I need to make time for, and with two other little ones underfoot, it is nearly impossible!  But I will say that home-schooling religion has become much more of an opportunity for faith sharing.  And I noticed the difference this past week with my oldest son. 

Previously, we had been going over the lessons as outlined, and I would review with him to make sure he understood the material (the purpose and methods of prayer, the holy days of obligation…etc).  But this past week, we were going over the chapter covering the significance of the Cross.  I was trying to help him see the value of our trials and little sufferings as a way to be open to grace.   And I suddenly realized that I did not want to approach our religion classes as classes.  It dawned on me that I did not want my son to simply “learn” the material.  I wanted him to embrace the material!  It was so clear in that moment how very much faith is a gift.  It cannot be learned.  It must be nurtured!

Now that we live in a so-called “safer” neighborhood, the kids at his school are not lacking in material goods.  In fact, there is a dangerous sense of entitlement that I worry about.  I could sense that the value of little sufferings and sacrifices would not make much sense in this new environment.  I knew then that I must beg our Blessed Mother to take care of her son, my son, and I silently begged her to lead him to her Son.  I stopped the lesson and simply faith-shared.  I stopped and asked my son to share his thoughts.  I saw in that moment that for my son’s personality, he needed to experience God’s love in order for this to make any sense.  All of his peers live so comfortably that I could see a danger in not recognizing one’s need for God.  I recalled how as a child and teenager and college student, I followed Church teaching out of duty and a sense of responsibility.  God later showed me that faith is a love relationship.   I do not want to lead my son (and other children) down that same road of rule-following (frankly, my children are very strong-willed and are not wired that way anyway!).  I sensed that my son would first need to see God as Love in order for him to relate to any of this material. So I led us in prayer, asking that Mary help him fall in love with her so as to fall in love with God and His will.[1]  The details of our faith are secondary and would hopefully be a natural love response to our experience of God’s loving touch (ie. Instead of just learning which days are holy days of obligation and that he needed to go to Mass, I would hope that he look at these days with a desire to go to Mass to celebrate these significant Feasts and core of our faith!  Yes, I have high hopes for a sixth-grader!). 

I am so very grateful for this time to spend in concentrated moments of teaching and sharing the Catholic faith.  I see the value in faith sharing, as opposed to just merely faith teaching, and I am glad that as his mother I can do both.  I also see how very helpless I am in controlling whether my son embraces his faith.  It scares me and yet it doesn’t.  My communion of life with Christ through His Blessed Mother gives me hope.  In my helplessness, I turn to Blessed Mother, and beg her to nurture my son’s faith through me.  In that way, my son will hopefully experience authentic love, just as he is, right now. 

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[1] “The easiest and surest way to arrive at falling in love with God is to fall in love with Mary first.  When you fall in love with Her, you will want to disappear and to die to yourself like She did.  You will desire that the false image of your ego in your heart be replaced by God’s image.  Likewise, you will then desire to be incapable of your own action, and instead you will desire to fulfill God’s will, just as Mary did.”  S.C. Biela, Behold, I Stand at the Door and Knock (Fort Collins, CO:  IAMF 2005), 63.

Entrustment to Mary = A More Fruitful Lent

Lent is off to a great start! I let my compulsions get away from me and in my “strength” decided to 1) give up coffee, 2) give up sweets, 3) give up tortilla chips, 4) go to daily Mass, 5) fill the Rice Bowl this year with monetary sacrifice, 6) sign-off from Facebook until Easter, and try to be an all-around loving sweet human being! Ha!! What am I thinking? Am I out to prove my spiritual prowess? Do I think I need to be an Olympian at Sacrificing? What spirituality am I following?

Fail, fail, fail! I’ve encountered my weaknesses in triple-fold and we are only on day 2.

But, is it really failure? If I choose to regroup and follow the spirituality of communion with Christ through Mary, then I have a lot of truth to gaze upon and a lot of Love and Mercy to benefit from!

In 2 short days I have discovered some amazing truth.

Coffee.  I am physically addicted to caffeine. I have been going through withdrawal symptoms for the lack of my morning pot of coffee. I hate to let you in on how bad I am, but the truth be told…I’ve given my heart to coffee. I await coffee every morning more than I await the Eucharist. I make sure I have supplies of coffee beans and half and half in the house when I might let slide having foods in the fridge for my kids’ school lunches.  I dream of holding a to-go cup in my hand, something that happens rarely because we don’t have the funds for it. I rely on it, instead of God’s grace, to get me through the day. It might not be my whole heart that I’ve given to coffee, but the large piece dedicated to it takes from giving my whole heart to the Lord.

Holy Mass. There were years when I was a daily communicant. Now that I have a young one again, I am not as frequent of an attendee. For Lent, the pressure was supposed to get me going again. Truth revealed? Thursday morning, I get up to make the kids’ breakfast in plenty of time to eat my own breakfast  before morning Mass. Distracted and lethargic (remember no coffee) I don’t start eating until 7:15 am. Mass begins at 8 am.  I somehow get looking at emails and my mind loses track of time. I look at the clock, which reads 7:40 am. Between eating and reading, I had plenty of time to dress and get the Little One ready to go to Holy Mass. What kept me from going was the selfish outlook that I only go if I can receive the Eucharist. I don’t go to Mass to celebrate with the Body of Christ the greatest prayer of the day! Oh, blessed weakness! I have not given all my mind to the Lord.

So, who needs Blessed Mother? I DO!!

Yes, these are just two examples of how awesome my Lent has started (no sarcasm intended). In the past these would have been enough to cause me to forget it was Lent altogether. But, thanks to Communion of Life with Christ through Mary, I am just more convinced of my need for Our Savior, and my need for the Blessed Mother to carry me always. She has helped me see that even my good desires are often a mere reflection of my ego. But, at the same time, She is convincing me that even before I saw this truth God loved me; and, now that I see this truth, His love is all the more amazing to me! It helps me desire to call out to Her more often, so that perhaps She will rescue me before I fall and set my eyes on Her Beloved Son!

If you see your spiritual misery with faith in God’s love, then this truth will not threaten you. If, however, you start to doubt God’s mercy, then newly discovered misery could lead you even to despair. Doubting God’s mercy could provoke you to close the door of your heart before Him, thus directing you to commit even worse sins. But if you try to remember that you are being carried in the arms of Mary, the Mother of Christ, you will be fully open to God’s love. In Her arms, you may be shielded from your faults and unfaithfulness; you may experience peacefulness and even happiness when God reveals the contents of your whitewashed tomb to you in a fuller light.

S.C. Biela, Behold, I Stand at the Door and Knock (Ft. Collins, CO: IAMF, 2005), 28-29.

Entrustment to Mary = Blessed Weaknesses

Being in good physical condition, being in good spirits psychologically, or being in great ‘spiritual condition’ (our own perception) – all this is fleeting. Everything gradually has to be taken away from us some day so that we can cling only to God.

                        S.C. Biela, God Alone Suffices, 3rd. ed. (Ft.Collins, CO: IAMF, 2011), 62

I have a hard time accepting “blessed weaknesses”. God has recently given me a few to contend with. Here’s my list: Carpal Tunnel surgery, trigger thumb, a wart under my big toe, plantar fasciitis, and mole removal requiring stitches. The carpal tunnel surgery went well and alleviated a lot of pain I was having in my arm especially while in bed at night. The trigger thumb was resolved with a cortisone shot. The wart was first frozen then burned out. The plantar fasciitis is still in healing mode, causing me to back off my usual exercise routine. The stitches were removed with the scar not being too hideous and the mole was benign.

These were all small “taps” on the door of my heart to remind me to rely only on God. Yet I have a hard time accepting and thanking Him for these weaknesses. Sure I am appreciative that they were not fatal diseases, but I find it hard to be grateful in moments of suffering. Instead I become annoyed that my routine has been disturbed. Only when the problem has been resolved or injury healed - am I truly grateful.

When explaining this attitude to my spiritual director he used the analogy of comparing God to a doctor who is going to do surgery on me. Do I question the instruments and procedure the doctor will use? Even if I do, most likely I will accept it. I need to look at God as doing surgery on my soul, preparing it for eternal life with Him. I should not question his method or the tools He uses, but should accept it gratefully for the outcome will be the best for me ~ Heaven.

Entrusting myself to the Blessed Mother helps me to be more open to acceptance. She did not question or ask for explanations, but humbly followed God’s plans for her. Together with Blessed Mom, WE can ask for the grace of acceptance and gratefulness of the weaknesses God gives me. Together with Blessed Mom, WE can rely only on God.

God will definitely work miracles in our lives if we allow Him to enter our lives, at least to some extent. The best situations, then from a spiritual sense, are those in which, in the midst of our weakness and powerlessness, we begin to beg for God’s mercy, being convinced that the Creator loves us as we are. Ibid

Entrustment to Mary = Hugs from God

Today I participated in my new parish’s women’s retreat. I had earlier decided to go as a means to meet new people, and to feel connected with this new community.  I was also in need of some quiet time for prayer.  Upon arrival, I was greeted with a gift bag and ushered to a gourmet breakfast.  This mother-of-five was feeling rather pampered after only five minutes!  But I was treated to much, much more as the day progressed.

The theme was “Strength for the Journey” and the program began with heartfelt, deep prayer.  Musicians shared songs inspired by the Holy Spirit, written especially for this retreat.  I was pleasantly surprised that the celebration of the Holy Eucharist had been included in the schedule!  I was given the chance for meditation and personally reflected on my own temptations to be my own strength, rather than relying on God as my Everything.  Living the spirituality of communion of life with Christ through His Blessed Mother, I was touched by women sharing about the significance of Mary being their mother, too.  It was as if God was reassuring me that this was my new home.  I had been comparing this parish to my previous one mercilessly, and now I was finally open to recognizing God’s presence and will that I be at peace here.

But most of all, I was touched deeply by the vulnerability of the guest speakers.  They shared their stories in such detail and openness that I was humbled to my core.  I have not experienced such grief (not even close), and I was absolutely amazed at the strength of God’s grace.  I was reminded of how close God is to me, to each of us.  I was overwhelmed with the awareness of how God loves us each uniquely and with such attention to small details.  I was amazed that, despite the deep pain, the faith of these women was strengthened.  In their weakness, they discovered God’s strength.  They were in need of His grace, His love, His mercy - and He delivers again, and again, and again.  And I sensed their gratitude. 

Being Control Freak, one of my mixed reactions was fear – fear of a similar situation happening in my life.  I know that my faith is not strong.  I want to say, “Lord, let it be done to me according to Thy word,” but I am too weak!  So as I reflect on this more, I turn to the arms of my Mama, and ask her to carry me.  As I prayed I was directed to the following:

….”Because of gratitude, you can begin to perceive the entire world surrounding you as God’s arms embracing you.  Maybe in the light of faith you will see a discreet inscription on the things around you:  “A gift from the Lord God” or “A gift from the Loving Presence.”  …The deeper your gratitude becomes, the more you can begin to hear…how the world around you speaks of Love.  After all, all of God’s gifts that surround you whisper, repeat, and call out:

I love you as you are.  Therefore, I am with you.  I take care of you.  I give you everything that you need every day.  If you need the bitter pill of suffering, then I give it to you, but only because I know that it is the most priceless gift that you may receive at this moment.  When you need a sweet candy you receive it, because without it, My dearest, you cannot manage on your own.

                                    S.C. Biela, The Two Pillars (Ft Collins, CO: IAMF, 2006), 73-74

So in our Blessed Mother’s arms, I am at peace and I am grateful.  I received a lot of sweet candies today…the biggest being the awareness of how intimately God loves you and me.